* When they aren't looking put a love letter in their pocket.
* Spray your love letters with perfume.
* Surprise your mate with twenty-six gifts from A to Z that begin with each of the letters of the alphabet.
* Write love letters at least monthly.
* Write a long love letter, then seal it with a kiss and mail it.
* Write your love a love letter using kiddie stickers that say things like "terrific" or "top notch". It's a colorful way to spice up an ordinary love letter and will be sure to make their day that you put in the extra time.
* Write a surprise love letter to your significant other on a bed sheet (the one you use to cover up with).
* Write a love letter and put it in a glass bottle. Place the bottle somewhere that you know your love will find it.
* Find out his favorite colors and make him a blanket, preferably fleece, and on one side using felt letters write something like "Cover you in kisses" or "I Love you" or "Wrapping you in my love" or something like that.
* Give your love a letter opener on a Wednesday and on Friday (or Saturday) give her 4 envelopes (not all at once) the first one is where you are going for dinner, the second has a CD with love songs, the third has movie tickets to the movie she has been dying to see, and the fourth has a letter that says "I Love You".
* Buy a dozen or so love cards and a box of stationary. Keep a few cards and/or sheets in your car, purse, briefcase, etc. Whenever you are stuck waiting somewhere, take a few moments and write a love letter.
* Send a loving e-mail, poem or letter to your loved one.
* Write down the 26 letters of the alphabet (placed in vertical order on the paper) and write down a description of your boyfriend/husband that starts with that letter. Example: A -- Ambitious; B -- Breathtaking; C -- Cuddly; D -- Delicious; E -- Exciting; F -- Friendly; G -- Good kisser; H -- Handsome; I -- Ingenious; J -- Jock; K -- Kind; L -- Lover; M -- Masculine; N -- Neat; O -- Outstanding; -- And so on. It helps if you have a thesaurus at hand to look up words that describe your man.
* On a special occasion put a little confetti or tiny heart cutouts (not a whole lot though) on top of the visor in his car. When he brings down the visor to block the sun the confetti will sprinkle down on him. You could also put a love letter or love-note there.
* Hand write love letters and leave them under his pillow. Be sure to use romantic stationery, avoid clichŽs, and tell him how you really feel.
* When you feel like your getting comfortable with each other... dig out the old love letters that they sent to you... and send the letters (on a new sheet of paper or card or whatever) to your love... they will love the fact that you kept the letters, and love it even more that you sent them the same letter that they used to win your heart.
* Write them a letter using the letters of their name to start each line.
* Write them a letter that has I LOVE YOU as the first letter of each line.
* Write them a letter that has I MISS YOU as the first letter of each line.
* Send your love anonymous love letters on little pieces of scented paper, and tell him/her to meet you somewhere romantic...like the first place you went maybe. Blindfold them and gently kiss them all over their face...SOFTLY like an Angel.
* Get a deck of cards and give them one every week of the year with a love letter on it.
* Send your love a letter with confetti hearts inside of the letter so they pour out everywhere when your sweetheart opens it.
* Just write them a letter that says "I LOVE YOU" all through it, and it sure will lift their spirits.
* Write little notes to say "I miss you".
* Buy a candle and send it to your special someone. Include a letter that says "Whenever you want me to be with you and I can't be there light this candle."
* Read old cards and letters from each other to each other.
* If you have a projector and an empty white or light colored wall (garages are perfect usually) write your letter in dark ink on a piece of paper and project it on the wall for them to find.
* On a plastic white or light colored plate, write a love letter creatively in permanent pen. Make dinner and leave the plate in place of your normal serving ware. (Make sure to switch it back before putting food on it.)
* Stop by a local florist and get a bag of rose petals. Use them to leave a trail of rose petals to a romantic surprise, or put them in your next love letter.
* Even if you don't have a long-distance relationship with your honey write him/her a letter occasionally. It could be short and sweet or even a couple pages long, but it shows that you care and sometimes it's easier to write stuff down and then you can talk about it in more detail later.
* Leave a love note hidden under the pillow.
* Send a small evergreen tree with a note stating your pining for them.
* Put a note in a romance novel saying, "The story is great but our own love story is better."
* Write a sweet one page or more love note every few days. Leave it in various places where they can see it.
* Leave several post it notes with loving comments or compliments so that they will be found eventually.
* Leave 11 roses on your love's car seat, give them the 12th after work with a note that says "I Love You."
* Take an empty aspirin bottle, and gave it a label like romance medicine, take as needed. Then write out 50 or so love notes and sexy ideas that could be taken anytime that a cure was needed!!
* Get your love a candle which is shaped like a rose and leave a note with it that says that you got this special rose because it will never die like natural roses, exactly like your love won't die like other natural relationships. (Since this rose is a candle, it wont die until someone burns it and your sure neither one of you will burn the candle or your love!!!!)
* Leave a love note when and where your partner will least expect it.
* Always have a notepad and pen or some stationary with you wherever you are. This way when you're waiting in line you can write them a quick love note.
* Before your lover gets home, set little notes all around the house. Start with one the refrigerator or on something they will notice, then do as many as you want and then let the last one be a wonderful surprise!
* Buy her a ring and place it on her finger as she sleeps. Then put a note somewhere you know she?ll see it (the bathroom mirror) telling her how much you love her.
* Get a bunch of those Post-it notes, that are sticky on one side. Write I Love You on about 100 of them (or as many as you want)and leave them where he will find them. (i.e.. when he comes home to an empty house, when you leave for work while he is still sleeping....)
* Fill a fish bowl with fish-shaped crackers and insert a note: "you're not the only fish in the sea, but you're the only fish for me!"
* Leave a detailed note in his coat telling him what is waiting for him when he returns home.
* Put kiss candies on the floor and flowers in the shower then write a note with the flowers saying "Now that I have kissed the floor that you walk on, let me shower you with flowers."
* Get a very large peice of card-board and draw a heart with the words ãI Love Youä on it. Then cut the heart out, then cut the heart up... send your love a note telling them that you are sending them a puzzle then send 1 piece of the heart a day (plan around Sundays) until they have all the pieces.
* Before you go to bed, place a little chocolate cupid on his or her pillow with a little love note.
* Place a heart shaped note telling your lover just how you would like to be kissed each day under his pillow and watch out!
* Placing a little bit of money in your beloved's pocket with a note that says "have a treat on me"
* Sending a note via overnight delivery to your sweetheart ("I couldn't wait to say 'I love you'")
* Leave a little love note somewhere you know they will find it... the freezer door, in the sunvisor, taped to the bottom of a glass, etc.
* During the day, pick up a book or magazine you know your partner would love, and put love notes in between random pages.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
November Babies
It's Nov again, time flies... Celebrated his and Jas's Birthday this month. Let's start with his birthday celebration as his birthday is on the 9th Nov, one day before Jas. Had two birthday dinner with two different group of friends for his birthday. First dinner was at Two Days One night, a Korean restaurant at Tanjong Pagar. Celebrated together with Sammie which is born on the same day.
Charmaine called and check with me his waist line and that set me thinking and wondering what they are getting for him Then right before we were about to leave the house it hits me that it could be a board short as he didn't used to have one till recently I got two for him when we went to Perhentian Island. So I told him, "I say they could be getting you a board shorts!" Then he asked me, "should I just wear one there so they would be surprise that I actually have board shorts already?" Lol... At the dinner, true enough it was a board shorts that they got for him and another two present. After that we went to party world for some healthy Karaoke with no alcohol.
The other dinner was with another group of friends at UE Square a Jap restaurant, we had buffet there. Afterwhich we head to Crew Room shoot some pool and head back home. You guys must be thinking, no celebration between you two? Wanted to arrange for dinner to surprise him actually end up it's Jas birthday as well and I'm going to meet up with her so dinner plan was cancelled. At the same time I was planning to go get his present as well. As we are together almost 24/7 I have no chance to plan any surprise or go buy present for him, that will be a good chance to do so, also I haven't seen the gals for a long time and was looking forward to catch up with them.
Went to Paragon to meet up with Jas and Shino on his actual birthday which ia 9th Nov, the eve of Jas birthday. Feel bad about leaving him at home alone so called up his friend that haven't meet up with him on his birthday to get him out of the house and keep him company. Lucky thing I called cause that pretty good friend of his actually forgotten his birthday. Then I proceed on to Paragon to meet the gals. Thought I was late as we are suppose to meet up at 6pm and I was in the cab at almost 6pm. End up, guess what? I was the first to arrive. Next comes the birthday gal then shino. We had a great time catching up over dinner. Had fun taking photos as well. Brought her two perfume from Body Shop and sneak it into her bag while she went to buy drinks for us. Glad she like it. :)
The next mission was to go buy his present. Wanted to get him a belt and a pair of new shoe as he only have one pair of casual shoe. Walk all over the place, just couldn't find a nice belt. It's either too thin or thick, too simple or too fanciful. So eventually I give up on the belt and decide to replace it with some tees. Brought him a pair of Puma shoe and some tee shirts. As it was pretty late most shops are close and Shino left earlier, me and Jas was running around Wisma and Taka like a mad dog searching for wrapping paper to wrap his presents
We were so lucky, as Watson at Taka closes at 10pm and they happen to have some wrapper but no tape. So I asked the cashier if it's ok we borrow some from them and use the counter to wrap the presents. She was kind enough to do me this favour. So we promptly wrap up all the presents and as it's late Jas got to head home so I started planning my surprise for his birthday. Message him to check where he is before I head home to plant my surprises for him and head down to meet them.
Took a cab home, got the cab driver to wait for me downstairs, ran up to plant all the present in different places to surprise him. I left the first present beside the shoe rack which is pretty obvious as it's the first thing you see the moment you come into the house. I planted the rest of the present all over the house, one on the side table at the balcony, one in his undies drawer, one underneath his pillow, one on the dresser and the last one in the toilet.
Meet him and his friend for some drinks and head home waiting to see his reaction when he sees his present. Guess what? Instead of surprising him, he surprise me instead by opening the door and walk right past his present without even noticing it. Then he went straight to the toilet and saw the last present instead. Thinking that was his only present he thank me and ask me to go to bed. I pretend to sit in the living room hoping he will notice his present beside the shoe rack and he only notice it when he came out of the room for the second to ask me to go to bed. He was a little tipsy and tired that's why he missed all the surprises.
So now he got two of the surprise and four more to go. Next thing, he went straight to bed and never noticed there was a present underneath his pillow even though he change his pillow till like 10 mins later. Faint!! That was all he discovered before he knock out and wake up to find the other three surprises the next day. And he actually miss out the one at the balcony side table when he walk right to it and look at the chair instead of the table and walk away thinking there's nothing there. Lol...
As the size of the shoe was wrong and that was the biggest size and we had to go back to change for another design and had lunch at Paragon the next day. What an eventful birthday surprises for the November babies. Last but not least, Happy Birthday my dearest baby and good pal Jas!!
Charmaine called and check with me his waist line and that set me thinking and wondering what they are getting for him Then right before we were about to leave the house it hits me that it could be a board short as he didn't used to have one till recently I got two for him when we went to Perhentian Island. So I told him, "I say they could be getting you a board shorts!" Then he asked me, "should I just wear one there so they would be surprise that I actually have board shorts already?" Lol... At the dinner, true enough it was a board shorts that they got for him and another two present. After that we went to party world for some healthy Karaoke with no alcohol.
The other dinner was with another group of friends at UE Square a Jap restaurant, we had buffet there. Afterwhich we head to Crew Room shoot some pool and head back home. You guys must be thinking, no celebration between you two? Wanted to arrange for dinner to surprise him actually end up it's Jas birthday as well and I'm going to meet up with her so dinner plan was cancelled. At the same time I was planning to go get his present as well. As we are together almost 24/7 I have no chance to plan any surprise or go buy present for him, that will be a good chance to do so, also I haven't seen the gals for a long time and was looking forward to catch up with them.
Went to Paragon to meet up with Jas and Shino on his actual birthday which ia 9th Nov, the eve of Jas birthday. Feel bad about leaving him at home alone so called up his friend that haven't meet up with him on his birthday to get him out of the house and keep him company. Lucky thing I called cause that pretty good friend of his actually forgotten his birthday. Then I proceed on to Paragon to meet the gals. Thought I was late as we are suppose to meet up at 6pm and I was in the cab at almost 6pm. End up, guess what? I was the first to arrive. Next comes the birthday gal then shino. We had a great time catching up over dinner. Had fun taking photos as well. Brought her two perfume from Body Shop and sneak it into her bag while she went to buy drinks for us. Glad she like it. :)
The next mission was to go buy his present. Wanted to get him a belt and a pair of new shoe as he only have one pair of casual shoe. Walk all over the place, just couldn't find a nice belt. It's either too thin or thick, too simple or too fanciful. So eventually I give up on the belt and decide to replace it with some tees. Brought him a pair of Puma shoe and some tee shirts. As it was pretty late most shops are close and Shino left earlier, me and Jas was running around Wisma and Taka like a mad dog searching for wrapping paper to wrap his presents
We were so lucky, as Watson at Taka closes at 10pm and they happen to have some wrapper but no tape. So I asked the cashier if it's ok we borrow some from them and use the counter to wrap the presents. She was kind enough to do me this favour. So we promptly wrap up all the presents and as it's late Jas got to head home so I started planning my surprise for his birthday. Message him to check where he is before I head home to plant my surprises for him and head down to meet them.
Took a cab home, got the cab driver to wait for me downstairs, ran up to plant all the present in different places to surprise him. I left the first present beside the shoe rack which is pretty obvious as it's the first thing you see the moment you come into the house. I planted the rest of the present all over the house, one on the side table at the balcony, one in his undies drawer, one underneath his pillow, one on the dresser and the last one in the toilet.
Meet him and his friend for some drinks and head home waiting to see his reaction when he sees his present. Guess what? Instead of surprising him, he surprise me instead by opening the door and walk right past his present without even noticing it. Then he went straight to the toilet and saw the last present instead. Thinking that was his only present he thank me and ask me to go to bed. I pretend to sit in the living room hoping he will notice his present beside the shoe rack and he only notice it when he came out of the room for the second to ask me to go to bed. He was a little tipsy and tired that's why he missed all the surprises.
So now he got two of the surprise and four more to go. Next thing, he went straight to bed and never noticed there was a present underneath his pillow even though he change his pillow till like 10 mins later. Faint!! That was all he discovered before he knock out and wake up to find the other three surprises the next day. And he actually miss out the one at the balcony side table when he walk right to it and look at the chair instead of the table and walk away thinking there's nothing there. Lol...
As the size of the shoe was wrong and that was the biggest size and we had to go back to change for another design and had lunch at Paragon the next day. What an eventful birthday surprises for the November babies. Last but not least, Happy Birthday my dearest baby and good pal Jas!!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Lazy me...
Have not been posting or updating anything at all on my blog. Am just so lazy to write long post and rather stick to shorter updates on my FB. I should really channel my energy and start writing. This is just a little note to encourage myself to start writing and posting interesting article on my site soon. Time flies and I'm turning 35 next month. Am thinking there might not be celebration like last year as I'm not in the entertainment scene and have not been heading out socialising much.
Been spending time on my new relationship which is 1/2 a year now. Everything is going fine with me now. Old problems still linger in my life but all I can do now is not to worry about it since I do not have the solution for them now. Old Trade with new plans coming up soon if I can get the place I'm interested in. Oh well, all is fine and hope everything will be good in time to come. Feeling lazy again, lol... Will pen off now and be back with more updates soon.
Been spending time on my new relationship which is 1/2 a year now. Everything is going fine with me now. Old problems still linger in my life but all I can do now is not to worry about it since I do not have the solution for them now. Old Trade with new plans coming up soon if I can get the place I'm interested in. Oh well, all is fine and hope everything will be good in time to come. Feeling lazy again, lol... Will pen off now and be back with more updates soon.
Friday, March 26, 2010
10 Amazing lesson you can learn from Albert Einstein
1.Follow Your Curiosity. "I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious."
2.Perseverance is Priceless. "It's not that I'm so smart; it's just that I stay with problems longer."
3.Focus on the Present. "Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves."
4.The Imagination is Powerful. "Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions. Imagination is more important than knowledge."
5.Make Mistakes. "A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new."
6.Live in the Moment. "I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."
7.Create Value. "Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value."
8.Don't Expect Different Results. "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
9.Knowledge Comes From Experience. "Information is not knowledge. The only source of knowledge is experience."
10.Learn the Rules and Then Play Better. "You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else."
2.Perseverance is Priceless. "It's not that I'm so smart; it's just that I stay with problems longer."
3.Focus on the Present. "Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves."
4.The Imagination is Powerful. "Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions. Imagination is more important than knowledge."
5.Make Mistakes. "A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new."
6.Live in the Moment. "I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."
7.Create Value. "Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value."
8.Don't Expect Different Results. "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
9.Knowledge Comes From Experience. "Information is not knowledge. The only source of knowledge is experience."
10.Learn the Rules and Then Play Better. "You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else."
Confucius says: The Top 10 Quotes by Confucius
Confucius says …
1. "Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself."
It’s the "Golden Rule" and the essence of real compassion . Not compassion as in looking down on someone and have pity for another, this is no real compassion. Compassion means seeing another person 100% equal to yourself (in value, not in differentials on the surface which ultimately do not matter). In fact it is seeing yourself in every other person. And therefore you cannot harm anyone without also harming yourself.
It doesn’t mean to lose individuality or self-worth, on the contrary – but the other person earns the same gift.
2. "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance."
That’s my personal favorite quote since it expresses something very profound which also is very useful to know: Ignorance is a willful neglect or refusal to acquire knowledge. It is not widen one’s own perspective in order to see a broader truth. As an example it would be to have racist thoughts and not realizing that all men are equal.
The ultimate truth therefore is where there is absolutely no ignorance, meaning where the perspective or consciousness has become one with all that there is. In Buddhism ignorance (Avidyā) is seen as the primary cause of suffering. Liberation is Enlightenment. Another quote by Confucius here is "Ignorance is the night of the mind, but a night without moon and star."
3. "I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand."
Those quotes are just perfect. What he is expressing here is that we have to experience something ourselves in order to really understand it. If we are hearing something it might be interesting. If we are seeing something it might be beautiful. But only if we feel in happening to ourselves we can really know how it is.
Picture something nice as winning an Olympic gold medal or picture something terrifying as the loss of a loved one. Can you know this by hearing it or by seeing it? Or do you have to do it and experience it yourself to really know it?
Along with this realization comes the awareness that you cannot understand someone or his actions from hearing or seeing it from the outside. You have to feel empathic compassion for him to really know what it is like. To know and not to do is really not to know. Only by applying our knowledge we can validate it’s harmony with reality, it’s truth.
4. "Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it."
Amazing. It calls for dropping the inner mask through which we constantly see and evaluate the world, distorted by our wants and belief-systems. Here we have to look at things as they are. Just like a newborn child would look at things. Then we are able to really see again, without instant labeling of what we see and therefore only really seeing our label. If we become able to do this – just for a second without judgment, we can see that everything in nature is as it should be. And in this natural perfection lies beauty.
5. "The Superior Man is aware of Righteousness, the inferior man is aware of advantage."
Another quote is "The object of the superior man is truth." It is the value of integrity: Do we act to our best knowledge of truth or do we bend ourselves and violate our integrity in order to gain an advantage? Do we play fair game or use perfidious tactics?
To be truthful to ourselves is also important to the development of (good) character. And it is the only straight way to liberation.
6. "Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart."
Whatever you do and whatever you commit to, do it fully, give your all – one hundred percent. It is the essence of Carpe Diem – Seizing the day and it’s surely the best way to be satisfied with what we do and get the best results.
7. "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do."
There is no failure, there are only valuable learning experiences. Or as Thomas Edison about inventing the light bulb said: "I have not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work." The important thing is not giving up, but learning and then improving by using this feedback to get better and ultimately succeed.
A quote expressing the same principle is "A man who has committed a mistake and doesn’t correct it, is committing another mistake."
8. "He who learns but does not think, is lost. He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger."
Confucius explains the connection of learning and reflection. Reflection of that what we learned by thinking or of the results we get by applying the knowledge. "Study without reflection is a waste of time; reflection without study is dangerous" is a similar quote by Confucius. Learning is only useful if we connect the learning within our own minds, with what we already know and what is useful for us. This reflection of any knowledge also saves us from blindly following any knowledge without checking its truthfulness and validity to us.
I think everybody experienced learning when we really want this knowledge and interweave it with what we already know. If there is a need or problem we want to solve, the consume knowledge much more effective than it happens for students in many universities.
9. "He that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools."
This quote calls for planning and preparation. This includes getting and improving the personal skills we need to be successful. If we want to hold speeches we have to become good with communication skills. If we want to win a race we have to train for it. If we want to do a big project we need knowledge in project management. Steven Covey calls it Sharpening the saw, read about it here.
10. "If you look into your own heart, and you find nothing wrong there, what is there to worry about? What is there to fear?"
It shows that our primary work lies within ourselves: to work on ourselves and improve will automatically take care of the outside world if we use our abilities then. "When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves." The solution to problems is not "out there". It is the Inside-Out approach: success and happiness can only be found by working on ourselves. It also entails the spiritual message to look inside and to discover ourselves fully.
1. "Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself."
It’s the "Golden Rule" and the essence of real compassion . Not compassion as in looking down on someone and have pity for another, this is no real compassion. Compassion means seeing another person 100% equal to yourself (in value, not in differentials on the surface which ultimately do not matter). In fact it is seeing yourself in every other person. And therefore you cannot harm anyone without also harming yourself.
It doesn’t mean to lose individuality or self-worth, on the contrary – but the other person earns the same gift.
2. "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance."
That’s my personal favorite quote since it expresses something very profound which also is very useful to know: Ignorance is a willful neglect or refusal to acquire knowledge. It is not widen one’s own perspective in order to see a broader truth. As an example it would be to have racist thoughts and not realizing that all men are equal.
The ultimate truth therefore is where there is absolutely no ignorance, meaning where the perspective or consciousness has become one with all that there is. In Buddhism ignorance (Avidyā) is seen as the primary cause of suffering. Liberation is Enlightenment. Another quote by Confucius here is "Ignorance is the night of the mind, but a night without moon and star."
3. "I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand."
Those quotes are just perfect. What he is expressing here is that we have to experience something ourselves in order to really understand it. If we are hearing something it might be interesting. If we are seeing something it might be beautiful. But only if we feel in happening to ourselves we can really know how it is.
Picture something nice as winning an Olympic gold medal or picture something terrifying as the loss of a loved one. Can you know this by hearing it or by seeing it? Or do you have to do it and experience it yourself to really know it?
Along with this realization comes the awareness that you cannot understand someone or his actions from hearing or seeing it from the outside. You have to feel empathic compassion for him to really know what it is like. To know and not to do is really not to know. Only by applying our knowledge we can validate it’s harmony with reality, it’s truth.
4. "Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it."
Amazing. It calls for dropping the inner mask through which we constantly see and evaluate the world, distorted by our wants and belief-systems. Here we have to look at things as they are. Just like a newborn child would look at things. Then we are able to really see again, without instant labeling of what we see and therefore only really seeing our label. If we become able to do this – just for a second without judgment, we can see that everything in nature is as it should be. And in this natural perfection lies beauty.
5. "The Superior Man is aware of Righteousness, the inferior man is aware of advantage."
Another quote is "The object of the superior man is truth." It is the value of integrity: Do we act to our best knowledge of truth or do we bend ourselves and violate our integrity in order to gain an advantage? Do we play fair game or use perfidious tactics?
To be truthful to ourselves is also important to the development of (good) character. And it is the only straight way to liberation.
6. "Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart."
Whatever you do and whatever you commit to, do it fully, give your all – one hundred percent. It is the essence of Carpe Diem – Seizing the day and it’s surely the best way to be satisfied with what we do and get the best results.
7. "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do."
There is no failure, there are only valuable learning experiences. Or as Thomas Edison about inventing the light bulb said: "I have not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work." The important thing is not giving up, but learning and then improving by using this feedback to get better and ultimately succeed.
A quote expressing the same principle is "A man who has committed a mistake and doesn’t correct it, is committing another mistake."
8. "He who learns but does not think, is lost. He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger."
Confucius explains the connection of learning and reflection. Reflection of that what we learned by thinking or of the results we get by applying the knowledge. "Study without reflection is a waste of time; reflection without study is dangerous" is a similar quote by Confucius. Learning is only useful if we connect the learning within our own minds, with what we already know and what is useful for us. This reflection of any knowledge also saves us from blindly following any knowledge without checking its truthfulness and validity to us.
I think everybody experienced learning when we really want this knowledge and interweave it with what we already know. If there is a need or problem we want to solve, the consume knowledge much more effective than it happens for students in many universities.
9. "He that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools."
This quote calls for planning and preparation. This includes getting and improving the personal skills we need to be successful. If we want to hold speeches we have to become good with communication skills. If we want to win a race we have to train for it. If we want to do a big project we need knowledge in project management. Steven Covey calls it Sharpening the saw, read about it here.
10. "If you look into your own heart, and you find nothing wrong there, what is there to worry about? What is there to fear?"
It shows that our primary work lies within ourselves: to work on ourselves and improve will automatically take care of the outside world if we use our abilities then. "When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves." The solution to problems is not "out there". It is the Inside-Out approach: success and happiness can only be found by working on ourselves. It also entails the spiritual message to look inside and to discover ourselves fully.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
8 Things to Stop Doing RIght Now
I truly believe that successful implementation, or actually ‘de-implementation’ of these methods will dramatically improve a number of things. The first thing that will change is your overall level of happiness, the second thing that will develop is a laser-like focus for your goals and the third thing that will change is going to be your overall awareness.
What I mean by improving your awareness is that you actually might ‘wake up’ to some of the things you’ve been doing, and understand exactly why I say you need to stop doing these things immediately.
1. Doubting Yourself – If you think that you can’t achieve something then I have some good news for you, you’re probably right. Doubts and lack of self belief are the number one way to not only fail to achieve your goals, but to prevent yourself for even trying to go for them in the first place.
Ask yourself, is there anyone in this world that could achieve what I want to achieve? If so, then you definitely can as well.
2. Looking for Answers – I don’t mean this as a sort of umbrella phrase that covers every situation in the world, sometimes we need answers. On occasion we need to know why things happened and how we can change them, but a lot of the answers we look for won’t change anything even if we get them.
•“Why do some people have all the luck?”
•“Why was I born into this environment?”
•“Why am I not smart / pretty / cool / rich?”
These are all questions that deserve no time to be pondered. Don’t look for answers, just start creating results.
3. Procrastinating - This is something I struggled with for a long time, regular readers of my blog and FB will know quite well. Now basically, I make sure I know what I want in life, and any time I catch myself procrastinating or wishing I didn’t have to do a certain ask, I simply ask myself: “Do you really want this?”
Has there ever been a time when procrastinating actually served you well? Did those extra 20 minutes on Facebook or a call to your friend really help the situation? The ‘problem’ is still going to be there, so just deal with it now.
4. Blaming Someone Else – It’s far easier and more likely for us to blame someone else for our current situation rather than take responsibility ourselves. “I’m poor because John makes bad financial decisions” or “I’m unhappy because Sarah left me”.
You have to take full and total responsibility for yourself and all of your actions. Sure, there will be people who want to help you and people involved in what you do, but you are completely responsible for the outcome. If you keep looking to others as the reason for your ‘failures’ without picking up the pieces yourself, these ‘failures’ will continue to happen.
5. Judging Others – First of all, you have absolutely nothing to gain but everything to lose from judging someone. People that others would instantly judge as ‘uncool’ or ‘boring’ have turned out to be some of the most awesome people I’ve ever met in my life.
Secondly, I want to make it clear that I’m not just saying this because it is nice and should be included on a list like this; I fully believe it and try to implement it into my life. If you are going to judge people, at least judge them by their actions, and not their appearance or their background.
6. Waiting to Live – I think most of you will relate to this point more than any. I should know, I’ve spent a good few years of my life waiting for things to happen before life will be perfect and I can start enjoying it.
You know what, these things may come, and you may get to finish college or get to your dream weight. As soon as you get there though, you’ll realise you’ve just wasted and forgotten the whole journey it took to arrive at the spot. The time to enjoy life is right now, no matter what situation you are in or what you hope the future may hold.
7. Needing Reasons to Be Happy – 2 weeks ago I wrote something that touched upon this idea in one of my blog posts:
I have a huge grin on my face as I’m writing this; in fact I’ve had one for the last few days. Should I tell you why? OK, well…there is absolutely no reason. What reason do you need to feel great, why not just feel great?
I’m feeling like that on a very regular basis these days. We often feel we need things to ‘happen’ to give ourselves permission to be happy. Yet, when you think about it, how ridiculous is that? At any moment in time, you can have complete control over how you feel. Don’t look for reasons to feel good and smile, you’re alive, that should be enough.
8. Caring What People Think – I’ll be the first to admit that this isn’t easy, and I don’t think it’s going to come instantly unless you have some drugs or alcohol available. I have no doubt that this step takes time, but you can begin to care less and less with practice.
“What people say about you is none of your business"
This is the only opportunity we have, are we really going to spend our time worrying about what people think of us, something we can’t even change anyway?
What I mean by improving your awareness is that you actually might ‘wake up’ to some of the things you’ve been doing, and understand exactly why I say you need to stop doing these things immediately.
1. Doubting Yourself – If you think that you can’t achieve something then I have some good news for you, you’re probably right. Doubts and lack of self belief are the number one way to not only fail to achieve your goals, but to prevent yourself for even trying to go for them in the first place.
Ask yourself, is there anyone in this world that could achieve what I want to achieve? If so, then you definitely can as well.
2. Looking for Answers – I don’t mean this as a sort of umbrella phrase that covers every situation in the world, sometimes we need answers. On occasion we need to know why things happened and how we can change them, but a lot of the answers we look for won’t change anything even if we get them.
•“Why do some people have all the luck?”
•“Why was I born into this environment?”
•“Why am I not smart / pretty / cool / rich?”
These are all questions that deserve no time to be pondered. Don’t look for answers, just start creating results.
3. Procrastinating - This is something I struggled with for a long time, regular readers of my blog and FB will know quite well. Now basically, I make sure I know what I want in life, and any time I catch myself procrastinating or wishing I didn’t have to do a certain ask, I simply ask myself: “Do you really want this?”
Has there ever been a time when procrastinating actually served you well? Did those extra 20 minutes on Facebook or a call to your friend really help the situation? The ‘problem’ is still going to be there, so just deal with it now.
4. Blaming Someone Else – It’s far easier and more likely for us to blame someone else for our current situation rather than take responsibility ourselves. “I’m poor because John makes bad financial decisions” or “I’m unhappy because Sarah left me”.
You have to take full and total responsibility for yourself and all of your actions. Sure, there will be people who want to help you and people involved in what you do, but you are completely responsible for the outcome. If you keep looking to others as the reason for your ‘failures’ without picking up the pieces yourself, these ‘failures’ will continue to happen.
5. Judging Others – First of all, you have absolutely nothing to gain but everything to lose from judging someone. People that others would instantly judge as ‘uncool’ or ‘boring’ have turned out to be some of the most awesome people I’ve ever met in my life.
Secondly, I want to make it clear that I’m not just saying this because it is nice and should be included on a list like this; I fully believe it and try to implement it into my life. If you are going to judge people, at least judge them by their actions, and not their appearance or their background.
6. Waiting to Live – I think most of you will relate to this point more than any. I should know, I’ve spent a good few years of my life waiting for things to happen before life will be perfect and I can start enjoying it.
You know what, these things may come, and you may get to finish college or get to your dream weight. As soon as you get there though, you’ll realise you’ve just wasted and forgotten the whole journey it took to arrive at the spot. The time to enjoy life is right now, no matter what situation you are in or what you hope the future may hold.
7. Needing Reasons to Be Happy – 2 weeks ago I wrote something that touched upon this idea in one of my blog posts:
I have a huge grin on my face as I’m writing this; in fact I’ve had one for the last few days. Should I tell you why? OK, well…there is absolutely no reason. What reason do you need to feel great, why not just feel great?
I’m feeling like that on a very regular basis these days. We often feel we need things to ‘happen’ to give ourselves permission to be happy. Yet, when you think about it, how ridiculous is that? At any moment in time, you can have complete control over how you feel. Don’t look for reasons to feel good and smile, you’re alive, that should be enough.
8. Caring What People Think – I’ll be the first to admit that this isn’t easy, and I don’t think it’s going to come instantly unless you have some drugs or alcohol available. I have no doubt that this step takes time, but you can begin to care less and less with practice.
“What people say about you is none of your business"
This is the only opportunity we have, are we really going to spend our time worrying about what people think of us, something we can’t even change anyway?
The Awakening
A time comes in your life when you finally get…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH1 Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.
You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you…and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself…and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
Your stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself…and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties…and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.
You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not you job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.
You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.
You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise.
You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people…and you lean not to always take it personally.
You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You lean that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than you heart’s desire.
You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.
Finally, with courage in you heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
This is your awakening.
You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.
You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you…and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself…and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
Your stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself…and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties…and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.
You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not you job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.
You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.
You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise.
You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people…and you lean not to always take it personally.
You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You lean that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than you heart’s desire.
You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.
Finally, with courage in you heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Part 9 - It's the Chinese New Year again...
It's the time of the year when all chinese celebrate new year. As for me, I don't really like the Chinese New Year or those family festive holidays. For those who read my blogs will know the reason why. I only grow up with my dad and many nannies and relatives. I never had a place called home. Home = a place with warm, love, family, security and relationships. To me everywhere I go is a house, house = a roof over my head, period.
Since young I hardly go visiting as my dad is quite outcast in a way. Not that he was outcast by the rest of the family members, it's more like he outcast others. Anyway, my dad is so hot tempered that all his brothers tend to stay away from him except 1 or 2 of them. Also my dad is a gambler when he's young and all my jewellery is usually in the pawn shop and only be able out during Chinese New Year for me to wear and I hate it, I rather don't wear.
Reunion dinner? I have never had a proper one, most of the time I would just go to bf's place or not have reunion dinner as a few period of time I was not in contact with my dad. Even when we are in contact, reunion dinner is never proper. Just me and him and some simple stuff. I have a wish since young which is a normal affair for others but for me I will never have a chance to do it and feel it. (Shit, tears are flowing out of my eyes uncontrollably) I have always wished that I have a chance to have a simple meal with just my mum and dad, a proper family meal. It'll never happen in this life time of mine. So simple yet it's impossible, sobs.
New Year always make me feel alot, not happiness, no joy just emptiness and loneliness. I have to be strong, I have no choice. Sometime I wished I could be just the typical woman, cry as and when I want, be dependant and a little soft so that man feel a need to protect. But that's just not me, I can't be like that, I cannot afford to.
I have been struggling for the longest time, partly due to the fact that I used to gamble and owe a lot of debts and I still do now with many banks and friends. Also that I've stayed out by myself since 16 and supported myself since 13++. I do not gamble for just the fun of it and I am not addicted to gambling. I do not deny I like to gamble but most of the time I just wished that I can make some extra cash so my life will be easier, which I know that's not right. So instead of making my life better, it gotten worse.
Most of my friends would tell me one thing, "Alycia, almost everything is good about you except you like to gamble!" Haiz, I know my bad, I always do. But, haiz... That's human isn't it? Who doesn't make mistakes? Who doesn't have bad points? No one is perfect. I'm all alone all by myself and trying to make my life easier. I do not want to make money against my pride and principle.
Some friend's would tell me, forget about pride and principle and make good money in the shortest time by being a hostess. I have nothing against anyone in that trade, they are still making money and working their way but I just couldn't make that kind of money although I know that if I want to I could be bloody rich now. But that's not how I want to make my life easier as I know that there's hardly a way to turn back once you step in it.
Anyway, let me tell you guys another drama mama true story about my dad during one Chinese New Year when I was just a teenager. One of the Chinese New Year donkey years back, on the first day of Chinese New Year, my dad woke me up in the morning and asked me for sleeping pills. The reason he gave was that he couldn't sleep. Of course I didn't have what he wants, so I told him I don't have it and carry on to sleep.
After a short while I felt that something is wrong so I went to look for him inside his room. We stay in a one room flat and I slept in the living room since young. When I went to the room door it was locked. I happen to have the spare key so I open it up. He was laying on the floor face flat with lots of different kind of pills laying on the table beside a bottle of Bacardi rum with a glass of pills mixed with Bacardi and coke.
Damn! He was trying to commit suicide on the first day of Chinese New Year! Then I found out he had a quarrel with his then galfriend. He was supposed to go out with his galfriend and her daughters and another family. Something happen and she didn't want to meet him and he was upset. Oh my god, what a childish move. I didn't know to cry or laugh at him.
The next thing I did was calling the galfriend and she rushed down to my place with her daughters and the other family that was out with them. It was so embarrassing, it's the first day of Chinese New Year and he did that?? Gosh! They were so worried wanted to send him to the hospital.
Guess what happen next? He got up, say he is ok and doesn't need to go to the hospital. Went to take a shower and told them he is ok to go out with them! Faint!!! Really don't know what to do say...
2009 was not too bad a year but nothing fantastic either. Life have not been easier but I've got to know a lot of nice friends. Friends which helped me alot and supported me in many ways and I thank you all if you are reading it. In life you never know what happens next and I just want to make the best out of mine. I was told by some people I'm over confident and some says I'm negative many of the time. Well, which ever way it is I'm still surviving and I know I will have to make my life better from now.
This year we have valentine's day together woth the new year. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing as I am all alone now, not attached and no one to spend valentine's day with. But I'm glad to have many good friends around which I'm sure would spend the new year with me. What would I do without all my dear friends?? This new year I am going to tell u guys this which I never did before, "I LOVE U ALL MY DEAREST FRIENDS!!!"
Time for me to work towards making my life better and fufilling as I have wasted too much time. I hereby wished all my friends a propser new year and may good fortune and good healthy befall you, your family and friends.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
HUAT AH!!!
Since young I hardly go visiting as my dad is quite outcast in a way. Not that he was outcast by the rest of the family members, it's more like he outcast others. Anyway, my dad is so hot tempered that all his brothers tend to stay away from him except 1 or 2 of them. Also my dad is a gambler when he's young and all my jewellery is usually in the pawn shop and only be able out during Chinese New Year for me to wear and I hate it, I rather don't wear.
Reunion dinner? I have never had a proper one, most of the time I would just go to bf's place or not have reunion dinner as a few period of time I was not in contact with my dad. Even when we are in contact, reunion dinner is never proper. Just me and him and some simple stuff. I have a wish since young which is a normal affair for others but for me I will never have a chance to do it and feel it. (Shit, tears are flowing out of my eyes uncontrollably) I have always wished that I have a chance to have a simple meal with just my mum and dad, a proper family meal. It'll never happen in this life time of mine. So simple yet it's impossible, sobs.
New Year always make me feel alot, not happiness, no joy just emptiness and loneliness. I have to be strong, I have no choice. Sometime I wished I could be just the typical woman, cry as and when I want, be dependant and a little soft so that man feel a need to protect. But that's just not me, I can't be like that, I cannot afford to.
I have been struggling for the longest time, partly due to the fact that I used to gamble and owe a lot of debts and I still do now with many banks and friends. Also that I've stayed out by myself since 16 and supported myself since 13++. I do not gamble for just the fun of it and I am not addicted to gambling. I do not deny I like to gamble but most of the time I just wished that I can make some extra cash so my life will be easier, which I know that's not right. So instead of making my life better, it gotten worse.
Most of my friends would tell me one thing, "Alycia, almost everything is good about you except you like to gamble!" Haiz, I know my bad, I always do. But, haiz... That's human isn't it? Who doesn't make mistakes? Who doesn't have bad points? No one is perfect. I'm all alone all by myself and trying to make my life easier. I do not want to make money against my pride and principle.
Some friend's would tell me, forget about pride and principle and make good money in the shortest time by being a hostess. I have nothing against anyone in that trade, they are still making money and working their way but I just couldn't make that kind of money although I know that if I want to I could be bloody rich now. But that's not how I want to make my life easier as I know that there's hardly a way to turn back once you step in it.
Anyway, let me tell you guys another drama mama true story about my dad during one Chinese New Year when I was just a teenager. One of the Chinese New Year donkey years back, on the first day of Chinese New Year, my dad woke me up in the morning and asked me for sleeping pills. The reason he gave was that he couldn't sleep. Of course I didn't have what he wants, so I told him I don't have it and carry on to sleep.
After a short while I felt that something is wrong so I went to look for him inside his room. We stay in a one room flat and I slept in the living room since young. When I went to the room door it was locked. I happen to have the spare key so I open it up. He was laying on the floor face flat with lots of different kind of pills laying on the table beside a bottle of Bacardi rum with a glass of pills mixed with Bacardi and coke.
Damn! He was trying to commit suicide on the first day of Chinese New Year! Then I found out he had a quarrel with his then galfriend. He was supposed to go out with his galfriend and her daughters and another family. Something happen and she didn't want to meet him and he was upset. Oh my god, what a childish move. I didn't know to cry or laugh at him.
The next thing I did was calling the galfriend and she rushed down to my place with her daughters and the other family that was out with them. It was so embarrassing, it's the first day of Chinese New Year and he did that?? Gosh! They were so worried wanted to send him to the hospital.
Guess what happen next? He got up, say he is ok and doesn't need to go to the hospital. Went to take a shower and told them he is ok to go out with them! Faint!!! Really don't know what to do say...
2009 was not too bad a year but nothing fantastic either. Life have not been easier but I've got to know a lot of nice friends. Friends which helped me alot and supported me in many ways and I thank you all if you are reading it. In life you never know what happens next and I just want to make the best out of mine. I was told by some people I'm over confident and some says I'm negative many of the time. Well, which ever way it is I'm still surviving and I know I will have to make my life better from now.
This year we have valentine's day together woth the new year. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing as I am all alone now, not attached and no one to spend valentine's day with. But I'm glad to have many good friends around which I'm sure would spend the new year with me. What would I do without all my dear friends?? This new year I am going to tell u guys this which I never did before, "I LOVE U ALL MY DEAREST FRIENDS!!!"
Time for me to work towards making my life better and fufilling as I have wasted too much time. I hereby wished all my friends a propser new year and may good fortune and good healthy befall you, your family and friends.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
HUAT AH!!!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
How To Choose Happiness With Words
Happiness is simply a state of mind. No, I’m not implying that we can instantly heal the pain of a severe or unexpected personal tragedy just by thinking about being happy. Rather, I am referring to our levels of happiness on routine days when things in our lives are close to normal. In these neutral times, when we are neither ecstatic nor extremely sad, the slightest change in attitude can swing our happiness balance drastically in either a positive or negative direction. One of the primary factors that affect our attitude is our choice of words.
Words have a lot of power and influence on both the speaker and the listener. When we speak we sometimes unintentionally choose words that have a negative undertone. This can make us seem unhappy (and negative) in the eyes of others. Even worse, after we have spoken these words our unconscious mind starts believing in them. “If this is what came out of my mouth, it must be the way I truly feel.”
However, this is not always true. The first fleeting words that come to mind are not necessarily the most accurate representation of our feelings and intentions. We must realize that we have the power to choose the words we use, and if we pick them carefully, they can change the way we feel.
Here are three typical scenarios where positive language can inject positivity and happiness into our lives.
Inject Happiness into Casual Communication
Typically, when I ask someone “How are you?” they reply, “I’m fine” or “I’m okay.” But one lazy Monday afternoon last month a new colleague of mine replied, “Oh, I am fabulous!” It made me smile, so I asked him what was making him feel so fabulous and he said, “I’m healthy, my family is healthy, and we live in a free country. So I don’t have any reason not to be happy.” The difference was simply his attitude and his choice of words. He wasn’t necessarily any better off than anyone else, but he seemed twenty times happier.
It really struck a chord with me. Suddenly I realized that I have a choice. I can either say “the glass is half empty” or “the glass is half full.” Why not rejoice in the fact that, thankfully, I don’t have anything to be terribly upset about.
So now when someone asks me how I am doing, I say “I’m doing wonderful!” or “Everything is awesome!” or something similar that reflects a positive, happy mood. Since I’ve made a regular habit of doing this, multiple friends and acquaintances have noticed a positive change in my attitude. And I do genuinely feel happier. Also, it seems like the people around me are smiling more now too. So I guess it’s contagious.
Keep Friendly Discussions Friendly
We’ve all been involved in friendly discussions that turn into heated arguments. This usually results in a complete breakdown of productive communication. The reason for this is simple. When people get into heated arguments they get unhappy, and unhappy people are not productive. More often than not these arguments transpire due to our choice of words rather than our point of views. If communicated peacefully and appropriately people usually tolerate each other’s perspectives pretty well. Hence, it’s very important to choose our words wisely even when we strongly disagree with someone.
■Instead of telling the other person “You always…” try saying “Sometimes you…”.
■Instead of saying “That’s not true,” try saying “I don’t think I completely understand your point of view.”
■Instead of telling your friend “I don’t want to go to that bar,” you can say “Oh, we can go to that bar too if you want, but I would rather…”
Using words that make the other person feel negated always creates negativity in conversations. On the other hand, choosing words that assure the listeners that their perspectives are being respected drastically improves the chances of getting your point across without heating things up.
Wendell Johnson once said:
*Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
Maintain a Hopeful Outlook
When we are talking or thinking about ourselves we are typically the least careful with our choice of words. We assume that there are no restrictions on what to say or how to think about our own person. In some situations this might be true, but the positivity or negativity of our words and thoughts still affect us.
For example, there is a huge difference between saying “I wish I have a house that big someday” versus “It would be great to have a house that big someday.” The latter gives a greater sense of possibility and confidence which allows us to believe that ‘yes’ it is possible and ‘yes’ it could happen one day. Whereas, using words like ‘I wish’ makes it seem unreachable and impossible, which generally leads to feelings of discontentment.
Conclusion
These are just some simple examples that illustrate how important it is to choose and use positive words. Remember, our words transparently coincide with our mindset. Positive language creates a healthy balance between our mind and our heart.
Words have a lot of power and influence on both the speaker and the listener. When we speak we sometimes unintentionally choose words that have a negative undertone. This can make us seem unhappy (and negative) in the eyes of others. Even worse, after we have spoken these words our unconscious mind starts believing in them. “If this is what came out of my mouth, it must be the way I truly feel.”
However, this is not always true. The first fleeting words that come to mind are not necessarily the most accurate representation of our feelings and intentions. We must realize that we have the power to choose the words we use, and if we pick them carefully, they can change the way we feel.
Here are three typical scenarios where positive language can inject positivity and happiness into our lives.
Inject Happiness into Casual Communication
Typically, when I ask someone “How are you?” they reply, “I’m fine” or “I’m okay.” But one lazy Monday afternoon last month a new colleague of mine replied, “Oh, I am fabulous!” It made me smile, so I asked him what was making him feel so fabulous and he said, “I’m healthy, my family is healthy, and we live in a free country. So I don’t have any reason not to be happy.” The difference was simply his attitude and his choice of words. He wasn’t necessarily any better off than anyone else, but he seemed twenty times happier.
It really struck a chord with me. Suddenly I realized that I have a choice. I can either say “the glass is half empty” or “the glass is half full.” Why not rejoice in the fact that, thankfully, I don’t have anything to be terribly upset about.
So now when someone asks me how I am doing, I say “I’m doing wonderful!” or “Everything is awesome!” or something similar that reflects a positive, happy mood. Since I’ve made a regular habit of doing this, multiple friends and acquaintances have noticed a positive change in my attitude. And I do genuinely feel happier. Also, it seems like the people around me are smiling more now too. So I guess it’s contagious.
Keep Friendly Discussions Friendly
We’ve all been involved in friendly discussions that turn into heated arguments. This usually results in a complete breakdown of productive communication. The reason for this is simple. When people get into heated arguments they get unhappy, and unhappy people are not productive. More often than not these arguments transpire due to our choice of words rather than our point of views. If communicated peacefully and appropriately people usually tolerate each other’s perspectives pretty well. Hence, it’s very important to choose our words wisely even when we strongly disagree with someone.
■Instead of telling the other person “You always…” try saying “Sometimes you…”.
■Instead of saying “That’s not true,” try saying “I don’t think I completely understand your point of view.”
■Instead of telling your friend “I don’t want to go to that bar,” you can say “Oh, we can go to that bar too if you want, but I would rather…”
Using words that make the other person feel negated always creates negativity in conversations. On the other hand, choosing words that assure the listeners that their perspectives are being respected drastically improves the chances of getting your point across without heating things up.
Wendell Johnson once said:
*Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
Maintain a Hopeful Outlook
When we are talking or thinking about ourselves we are typically the least careful with our choice of words. We assume that there are no restrictions on what to say or how to think about our own person. In some situations this might be true, but the positivity or negativity of our words and thoughts still affect us.
For example, there is a huge difference between saying “I wish I have a house that big someday” versus “It would be great to have a house that big someday.” The latter gives a greater sense of possibility and confidence which allows us to believe that ‘yes’ it is possible and ‘yes’ it could happen one day. Whereas, using words like ‘I wish’ makes it seem unreachable and impossible, which generally leads to feelings of discontentment.
Conclusion
These are just some simple examples that illustrate how important it is to choose and use positive words. Remember, our words transparently coincide with our mindset. Positive language creates a healthy balance between our mind and our heart.
Differences Of Winners and Losers
Successful people are winners in our society. But what are the factors that make them so different from others? I have pondered about this question for a while and I found that there are some striking differences between winners and losers. Winners operate in a totally different frame of mind compared to losers and that is why they always got the results that losers dream of. So read on for the list of 33 differences between winners and losers.
Striking Differences Between Winners and Losers:
Winners vs Losers
1. Winners focus on solutions. Losers focus on problems.
2. Winners take responsibility. Losers blame others.
3. Winners find opportunities in crisis. Losers complain about crisis.
4. Winners enjoy being in the present and learn from the past. Losers live in the past.
5. Winners make commitment and keep them no matter what. Losers make promises that they always break.
6. Winners think about how they can achieve. Losers give excuses.
7. Winners make personal development a priority. Losers neglect personal development.
8. Winners face their fear, accept it and take the leap. Losers dwell in their fear.
9. Winners constantly expand their comfort zone. Losers stay in their comfort zone.
10. Winners take action consistently. Losers refrain from taking action and lack consistency.
11. Winners take failure in their stride and learn from them. Losers fear failure and avoid them at all cost.
12. Winners try different strategies when they are not getting the results they want. Losers do the same thing over and over again expecting different results.
13. Winners set goals. Losers lack goals.
14. Winners plan. Losers hate having a plan.
15. Winners believe there are always things to be learn. Losers consider themselves as an expert even though they know little.
16. Winners are humble. Losers are egoistic.
17. Winners continue to hone their skill every other day without fail. Losers make little effort in honing their skill.
18. Winners work hard. Losers avoid work.
19. Winners give their best for the things that they decide to do. Losers work half heartedly in everything that they do.
20. Winners are persistent and will do whatever it takes (ethical means) to achieve their goal. Losers give up when obstacles pop up.
21. Winners manage their time well and indulge in high value activities that will bring them closer to their goals. Losers lack time management skills and indulge in time wasting activities like playing games and watching re runs for the umpteen time.
22. Winners dream in the day. Losers dream in bed.
23. Winners think about possibilities. Losers focus on obstacles that will stop them from achieving.
24. Winners are certain. Losers doubt.
25. Winners control their own destiny. Losers leave everything to their fate.
26. Winners give more than they take. Losers take more than they give.
27. Winners think whether the crowd is going in the right direction. If not, he will walk the other direction. Losers follow the crowd.
28. Winners think and lead. Losers refuse to think so they follow.
29. Winners listen. Losers fight for every chance to talk.
30. Winners always find a better way to do things. Losers stick to one way of doing things.
31. Winners spend money in seminars and classes to improve themselves. Losers think that spending money on seminars and classes is a waste of money and they prefer to buy toys that gives them instant gratification.
32. Winners help others to win. Losers refuse to help and think only about their own benefit.
33. Winners find like minded people like themselves that can bring them to greater height. Losers find like minded people like themselves that will drag them to failure.
Parting Words
Winners and losers are largely differentiated by their way of thinking. It means that if your thinking tend to be nearer to the Losers approach, it is possible for you to shift yourself back to the Winners way of thinking. All you need is to be 100% honest with yourself, admit that some part of your life needs to be change and work on it.
So which side are you on?
Striking Differences Between Winners and Losers:
Winners vs Losers
1. Winners focus on solutions. Losers focus on problems.
2. Winners take responsibility. Losers blame others.
3. Winners find opportunities in crisis. Losers complain about crisis.
4. Winners enjoy being in the present and learn from the past. Losers live in the past.
5. Winners make commitment and keep them no matter what. Losers make promises that they always break.
6. Winners think about how they can achieve. Losers give excuses.
7. Winners make personal development a priority. Losers neglect personal development.
8. Winners face their fear, accept it and take the leap. Losers dwell in their fear.
9. Winners constantly expand their comfort zone. Losers stay in their comfort zone.
10. Winners take action consistently. Losers refrain from taking action and lack consistency.
11. Winners take failure in their stride and learn from them. Losers fear failure and avoid them at all cost.
12. Winners try different strategies when they are not getting the results they want. Losers do the same thing over and over again expecting different results.
13. Winners set goals. Losers lack goals.
14. Winners plan. Losers hate having a plan.
15. Winners believe there are always things to be learn. Losers consider themselves as an expert even though they know little.
16. Winners are humble. Losers are egoistic.
17. Winners continue to hone their skill every other day without fail. Losers make little effort in honing their skill.
18. Winners work hard. Losers avoid work.
19. Winners give their best for the things that they decide to do. Losers work half heartedly in everything that they do.
20. Winners are persistent and will do whatever it takes (ethical means) to achieve their goal. Losers give up when obstacles pop up.
21. Winners manage their time well and indulge in high value activities that will bring them closer to their goals. Losers lack time management skills and indulge in time wasting activities like playing games and watching re runs for the umpteen time.
22. Winners dream in the day. Losers dream in bed.
23. Winners think about possibilities. Losers focus on obstacles that will stop them from achieving.
24. Winners are certain. Losers doubt.
25. Winners control their own destiny. Losers leave everything to their fate.
26. Winners give more than they take. Losers take more than they give.
27. Winners think whether the crowd is going in the right direction. If not, he will walk the other direction. Losers follow the crowd.
28. Winners think and lead. Losers refuse to think so they follow.
29. Winners listen. Losers fight for every chance to talk.
30. Winners always find a better way to do things. Losers stick to one way of doing things.
31. Winners spend money in seminars and classes to improve themselves. Losers think that spending money on seminars and classes is a waste of money and they prefer to buy toys that gives them instant gratification.
32. Winners help others to win. Losers refuse to help and think only about their own benefit.
33. Winners find like minded people like themselves that can bring them to greater height. Losers find like minded people like themselves that will drag them to failure.
Parting Words
Winners and losers are largely differentiated by their way of thinking. It means that if your thinking tend to be nearer to the Losers approach, it is possible for you to shift yourself back to the Winners way of thinking. All you need is to be 100% honest with yourself, admit that some part of your life needs to be change and work on it.
So which side are you on?
The Pursuit of Happiness Becomes True Happiness
Let’s face it. We all want to be happy. The pursuit of happiness is a common pursuit. We all realize, sooner or later, that outer success does not produce lasting happiness.
So what does? Loving ourselves and loving others. In fact, we can only love others authentically when we love ourselves.
So why is it that some people seem to feel self love easily, while others spend their lives searching in relationships or career accomplishments to find it? While it may seem cliche, the answer does seem to point to experiences in childhood.
What we know as self esteem begins, originally, in the esteem parents have for their children. Through the simplest acts of touch, attention to feelings, and guidance toward accomplishment, a child comes to see their own worth reflected in their parents’ eyes. They see themselves as love-able i.e. worthy and able to be loved.
These feelings are so powerful that they have been found to influence longevity. When through various forms of abuse and neglect a child fails to get this mirror of love, two things happen. First the child begins to take in the feeling of defectiveness or un-loveability. Since, to a child, a parent is God, parental abuse and neglect (including insensitivity to feelings) is experienced as justified. "If mommy or daddy treats me this way, it must be my fault."
A second thing also happens. Children are masters at devising strategies to get love or prevent abandonment. A common "protective strategy" is perfectionism. "If I'm perfect, then mommy or daddy will love me."
The search for perfection can become a lifetime one, whether it be for the perfect partner, the perfect accomplishment, or the perfect amusement or "high." But the result will always be disappointing. Nothing can replace self love.
Is there hope for those who didn't get enough love in childhood? The answer is a resounding yes!! But like anything worthwhile, it takes effort. The key is in the way we experience our memories of parenting.
Rather than being simply static memories from childhood, each of us carries within our mind an "inner parent," a voice which talks to us much as our parents did. If our parenting was primarily supportive, our self talk will be so also. If our parenting was primarily negative, we will tend to be self critical much of the time.
Some of this self criticism will be a simple replay of what we heard. More often, though, a child criticizes themselves to protect their relationship with parents. In this fact lies both the source of much of our distress -- and the seed of our renewal.
Once we realize that people with high self-esteem talk lovingly to themselves -- especially when under stress, and those with low self-esteem are self critical, we create for ourselves a pathway to change. The goal becomes changing the way we talk to ourselves.
Three Steps to Move from a Pursuit of Happiness to True Happiness Step One: AwarenessIt’s amazing how differently we can talk to ourselves at different times. If we're having a good day, our mind often reflects this in positive thoughts. Often, at such times, our mind can be very quiet and peaceful.
Contrast this with times we're under stress or after experiencing some disappointment. At those times our mind can be quite negative and quite "busy."
In my experience, when our mind is full of anxiety, and general static, we are often re-experiencing a "child state of mind." In essence, a negative life event has sent us shuttling back in time to experience younger feelings. Once we can recognize how we've gone from feeling expansive and adult to insecure and childlike we have an amazing gift. We can feel compassion.
Step Two: Compassion: When ever we shift into an insecure child state of mind (we all do at times), we each "go home" to specific inner experiences of support, abuse, or neglect. Depending on our particular childhood, we will be able to generate self love and self care at such times, or not.
But whatever happens, it’s not our fault. This fact is crucial. Once we recognize that it’s only by the luck of the draw that we go home, in our minds, to inner parental support, we become more empathic.
We can feel love for ourselves and our particular story. From that compassion we can truly take better care of ourselves. We can undertake authentic adult action.
Step Three: Authentic Adult ActionIn a child state of mind, we often feel passive and helpless. Our self talk includes either anxious statements like "I'll never be good enough," " I can't do it," "If only," or self critical ones "snap out of it," "grow up," or "stop making a mountain out of a molehill."
Once we recognize that we're in a child state, and have compassion to our unique childhood experience, we need to actively assert our adult energies. Authentic adult actions are those which help us shift us out of a child state to a more expansive and adult sense of ourselves. Simply put, authentic adult action involves greater self care.
Sometimes this involves just accepting our current feelings as a reflection of earlier childhood experience. At other times, it includes actively taking better care of needs. Whether it be preparing a nice meal for ourselves or calling a friend, authentic adult action is, in essence, being like a "positive self parent."
Often, too, authentic adult action involves challenging our stream of negative self talk. This is much easier to do when we realize that we're in a child state of mind. We may be stuck in the pursuit of happiness and not truly happy. Whenever we're having catastrophic "what if" thoughts about the future, we can become more relaxed if we recognize that our thinking may be more that of a young child than a full adult.
This can give us compassion -- and, often, a humorous perspective. The three keys to self love and truer happiness are awareness, compassion, and authentic adult action.
So what does? Loving ourselves and loving others. In fact, we can only love others authentically when we love ourselves.
So why is it that some people seem to feel self love easily, while others spend their lives searching in relationships or career accomplishments to find it? While it may seem cliche, the answer does seem to point to experiences in childhood.
What we know as self esteem begins, originally, in the esteem parents have for their children. Through the simplest acts of touch, attention to feelings, and guidance toward accomplishment, a child comes to see their own worth reflected in their parents’ eyes. They see themselves as love-able i.e. worthy and able to be loved.
These feelings are so powerful that they have been found to influence longevity. When through various forms of abuse and neglect a child fails to get this mirror of love, two things happen. First the child begins to take in the feeling of defectiveness or un-loveability. Since, to a child, a parent is God, parental abuse and neglect (including insensitivity to feelings) is experienced as justified. "If mommy or daddy treats me this way, it must be my fault."
A second thing also happens. Children are masters at devising strategies to get love or prevent abandonment. A common "protective strategy" is perfectionism. "If I'm perfect, then mommy or daddy will love me."
The search for perfection can become a lifetime one, whether it be for the perfect partner, the perfect accomplishment, or the perfect amusement or "high." But the result will always be disappointing. Nothing can replace self love.
Is there hope for those who didn't get enough love in childhood? The answer is a resounding yes!! But like anything worthwhile, it takes effort. The key is in the way we experience our memories of parenting.
Rather than being simply static memories from childhood, each of us carries within our mind an "inner parent," a voice which talks to us much as our parents did. If our parenting was primarily supportive, our self talk will be so also. If our parenting was primarily negative, we will tend to be self critical much of the time.
Some of this self criticism will be a simple replay of what we heard. More often, though, a child criticizes themselves to protect their relationship with parents. In this fact lies both the source of much of our distress -- and the seed of our renewal.
Once we realize that people with high self-esteem talk lovingly to themselves -- especially when under stress, and those with low self-esteem are self critical, we create for ourselves a pathway to change. The goal becomes changing the way we talk to ourselves.
Three Steps to Move from a Pursuit of Happiness to True Happiness Step One: AwarenessIt’s amazing how differently we can talk to ourselves at different times. If we're having a good day, our mind often reflects this in positive thoughts. Often, at such times, our mind can be very quiet and peaceful.
Contrast this with times we're under stress or after experiencing some disappointment. At those times our mind can be quite negative and quite "busy."
In my experience, when our mind is full of anxiety, and general static, we are often re-experiencing a "child state of mind." In essence, a negative life event has sent us shuttling back in time to experience younger feelings. Once we can recognize how we've gone from feeling expansive and adult to insecure and childlike we have an amazing gift. We can feel compassion.
Step Two: Compassion: When ever we shift into an insecure child state of mind (we all do at times), we each "go home" to specific inner experiences of support, abuse, or neglect. Depending on our particular childhood, we will be able to generate self love and self care at such times, or not.
But whatever happens, it’s not our fault. This fact is crucial. Once we recognize that it’s only by the luck of the draw that we go home, in our minds, to inner parental support, we become more empathic.
We can feel love for ourselves and our particular story. From that compassion we can truly take better care of ourselves. We can undertake authentic adult action.
Step Three: Authentic Adult ActionIn a child state of mind, we often feel passive and helpless. Our self talk includes either anxious statements like "I'll never be good enough," " I can't do it," "If only," or self critical ones "snap out of it," "grow up," or "stop making a mountain out of a molehill."
Once we recognize that we're in a child state, and have compassion to our unique childhood experience, we need to actively assert our adult energies. Authentic adult actions are those which help us shift us out of a child state to a more expansive and adult sense of ourselves. Simply put, authentic adult action involves greater self care.
Sometimes this involves just accepting our current feelings as a reflection of earlier childhood experience. At other times, it includes actively taking better care of needs. Whether it be preparing a nice meal for ourselves or calling a friend, authentic adult action is, in essence, being like a "positive self parent."
Often, too, authentic adult action involves challenging our stream of negative self talk. This is much easier to do when we realize that we're in a child state of mind. We may be stuck in the pursuit of happiness and not truly happy. Whenever we're having catastrophic "what if" thoughts about the future, we can become more relaxed if we recognize that our thinking may be more that of a young child than a full adult.
This can give us compassion -- and, often, a humorous perspective. The three keys to self love and truer happiness are awareness, compassion, and authentic adult action.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Part 8
Sorry for such a long wait to the part 8 of my biography. It's the festive season, I've been busy with work.
As I mentioned on part 7 that I'll be talking about my mum on this part. At the beginning of my biography, I mentioned that mum and dad divorce when I was just a little baby. I've never seen my mum during my childhood. When I was about 18, I take the effort to search for my mum as I really wish to at least be able to see her once in my life.
With no sources and link, I managed to find her using a story that my ex colleague told me about herself. She was once involved with a man that lied to her saying he's single. And as there's a lot of doubt base on his actions, she decide to do a checlk on his marital status. How she go about it is that she take down his ID particulars, went to ROM paid $12 dollar and get a print out of his marital status stating that he is married. As I was holding on to my birth cert and had the information of my mum, using her method I went to ROM and get her marital status print out.
Other than discovering her second marriage, I also noticed the date that my mum and dad's registered their marriage. It's on the 16th Apr 1975 and I'm born on 16th Dec 1975. Please do the math... I was a short gun baby. Lol... Anyway, based on my mum's second marriage I've got her husband's name and went to yellow pages and search for her address and telephone number. For sure there are many with the same name. So I started calling to try my luck. I was pretty lucky to get it right the first time. I called the first number and asked for Mary which was her english name that I got to know over my relatives conversation. A man picked up the call which I presume was her husband said that she's not at home. From there, I'm sure I've got the right one. It can't be that the same name has wife with the same name as well isn't it?
So one fine day, I decided to pay her a visit. I couldn't remember if it was Mother's day or her birthday. I had a greeting card with me and went up to her house. I was really really nervous and thinking how should I react when I see her. I couldn't remember much details now, all I know was that she stays in Tampines. I walk to the door and started knocking, no one answers the door. At first, there was a sense of relieve as I really didn't know how it will be. Then came the feeling of disappointment as I have been missing her as she wasn't by my side since I was a baby. I am so deprived of motherly love. Since she's not home, I then slip the greeting card into the door slit. On the way down I tell myself, since I'm here I might as well wait a little while and try my luck again.
After a while, I made a call to her house and asked for her. She came to the phone and I guess she knew it's me as I slipped the greeting card into the house. I'm not sure what was running thru her mind as a lot was running thru my mind at that moment. She told me to wait for her downstairs and she will be heading down. Since young the only image I have of my mother was thru my baby photos. She was a beautiful woman and I've always imagine her to aged gracefully and be like those rich tai tais. When I was going thru hell at home from my dad, I often cried and wished that she is happily married to a rich man and come bring me away from all the pain, tears and misery.
When the lift door opens, out came a woman with a baby boy in her arms that I couldn't recognise. She's no longer the beautiful image I had in my mind all these while and no she dun look like those rich elegant tai tais at all. My beautiful mother image shattered. She looks like those aunties hanging around wet market. I dun think I will even recognise her if she walk pass me on the street. When she was walking towards me, the only thing that was running thru my mind was how should I address her? I have many god mum when I was young and calling mummy is a common thing. But when it comes to my own mother, I have never address her before. I was just a baby when she left, I didn't even know if I have learned to talk then. As she was approaching me, I decide to call her mother. I wanted so much to give her a big hug but she was carrying her son, my other step brother. Not too sure if that's her only child or there's more, didn't asked her. I wanted so much to tell her how much I suffered without a mum thru out my growing up stages and how much I suffered with a violent dad.
Before I can pour my sorrows to her she started pouring hers to me. She started complaining about my dad, saying how badly she was treated then. Things like, how my dad whack her, how she had to go to the hospital to deliver me by herself and how my dad fools around etc. At that point of time my tears almost falls out but I swallow it back as I dun want her to see me crying. I think to myself, what she suffered was only for such short period compare to what I've gone thru from my dad. I didn't even bother to tell her about my sufferings after all the things she said to me. Then she mentioned to me that she runs a goreng pisang store at the old lau pasar at shenton way. So I casually said to her that I'll pop by when I'm free. Straight away she reacted by saying, oh no not convenient then she add on that it's because she will be busy. From the moment she stepped out of the lift, the things she said to me, I knew she wasn't happy to see me at all.
Maybe she feels that I brought her misery. If it's not because of being pregnant with me maybe she wouldn't have to go thru the ordeal when she was with my dad. Also I guess she doesn't want me in her life to spoil her family now. It was heart wrenching, I was bleeding inside. Well as least, I know she's well and alive and I got to see her once that would be enough. I've met her for another two times after which we totally lost contact. I did not save her number or her address as I know she actually do not want to see me. The only thing that I dun understand is that how can a woman be so heartless? She carried me for 10 months give birth to me, left me and I am the one to look for her and she wasn't even happy to see me? Anyway, I've already grow up and long live my life without a mum, I survived.
Better stop now, eyes getting teary...
To be continued....
As I mentioned on part 7 that I'll be talking about my mum on this part. At the beginning of my biography, I mentioned that mum and dad divorce when I was just a little baby. I've never seen my mum during my childhood. When I was about 18, I take the effort to search for my mum as I really wish to at least be able to see her once in my life.
With no sources and link, I managed to find her using a story that my ex colleague told me about herself. She was once involved with a man that lied to her saying he's single. And as there's a lot of doubt base on his actions, she decide to do a checlk on his marital status. How she go about it is that she take down his ID particulars, went to ROM paid $12 dollar and get a print out of his marital status stating that he is married. As I was holding on to my birth cert and had the information of my mum, using her method I went to ROM and get her marital status print out.
Other than discovering her second marriage, I also noticed the date that my mum and dad's registered their marriage. It's on the 16th Apr 1975 and I'm born on 16th Dec 1975. Please do the math... I was a short gun baby. Lol... Anyway, based on my mum's second marriage I've got her husband's name and went to yellow pages and search for her address and telephone number. For sure there are many with the same name. So I started calling to try my luck. I was pretty lucky to get it right the first time. I called the first number and asked for Mary which was her english name that I got to know over my relatives conversation. A man picked up the call which I presume was her husband said that she's not at home. From there, I'm sure I've got the right one. It can't be that the same name has wife with the same name as well isn't it?
So one fine day, I decided to pay her a visit. I couldn't remember if it was Mother's day or her birthday. I had a greeting card with me and went up to her house. I was really really nervous and thinking how should I react when I see her. I couldn't remember much details now, all I know was that she stays in Tampines. I walk to the door and started knocking, no one answers the door. At first, there was a sense of relieve as I really didn't know how it will be. Then came the feeling of disappointment as I have been missing her as she wasn't by my side since I was a baby. I am so deprived of motherly love. Since she's not home, I then slip the greeting card into the door slit. On the way down I tell myself, since I'm here I might as well wait a little while and try my luck again.
After a while, I made a call to her house and asked for her. She came to the phone and I guess she knew it's me as I slipped the greeting card into the house. I'm not sure what was running thru her mind as a lot was running thru my mind at that moment. She told me to wait for her downstairs and she will be heading down. Since young the only image I have of my mother was thru my baby photos. She was a beautiful woman and I've always imagine her to aged gracefully and be like those rich tai tais. When I was going thru hell at home from my dad, I often cried and wished that she is happily married to a rich man and come bring me away from all the pain, tears and misery.
When the lift door opens, out came a woman with a baby boy in her arms that I couldn't recognise. She's no longer the beautiful image I had in my mind all these while and no she dun look like those rich elegant tai tais at all. My beautiful mother image shattered. She looks like those aunties hanging around wet market. I dun think I will even recognise her if she walk pass me on the street. When she was walking towards me, the only thing that was running thru my mind was how should I address her? I have many god mum when I was young and calling mummy is a common thing. But when it comes to my own mother, I have never address her before. I was just a baby when she left, I didn't even know if I have learned to talk then. As she was approaching me, I decide to call her mother. I wanted so much to give her a big hug but she was carrying her son, my other step brother. Not too sure if that's her only child or there's more, didn't asked her. I wanted so much to tell her how much I suffered without a mum thru out my growing up stages and how much I suffered with a violent dad.
Before I can pour my sorrows to her she started pouring hers to me. She started complaining about my dad, saying how badly she was treated then. Things like, how my dad whack her, how she had to go to the hospital to deliver me by herself and how my dad fools around etc. At that point of time my tears almost falls out but I swallow it back as I dun want her to see me crying. I think to myself, what she suffered was only for such short period compare to what I've gone thru from my dad. I didn't even bother to tell her about my sufferings after all the things she said to me. Then she mentioned to me that she runs a goreng pisang store at the old lau pasar at shenton way. So I casually said to her that I'll pop by when I'm free. Straight away she reacted by saying, oh no not convenient then she add on that it's because she will be busy. From the moment she stepped out of the lift, the things she said to me, I knew she wasn't happy to see me at all.
Maybe she feels that I brought her misery. If it's not because of being pregnant with me maybe she wouldn't have to go thru the ordeal when she was with my dad. Also I guess she doesn't want me in her life to spoil her family now. It was heart wrenching, I was bleeding inside. Well as least, I know she's well and alive and I got to see her once that would be enough. I've met her for another two times after which we totally lost contact. I did not save her number or her address as I know she actually do not want to see me. The only thing that I dun understand is that how can a woman be so heartless? She carried me for 10 months give birth to me, left me and I am the one to look for her and she wasn't even happy to see me? Anyway, I've already grow up and long live my life without a mum, I survived.
Better stop now, eyes getting teary...
To be continued....
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