1.Follow Your Curiosity. "I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious."
2.Perseverance is Priceless. "It's not that I'm so smart; it's just that I stay with problems longer."
3.Focus on the Present. "Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves."
4.The Imagination is Powerful. "Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions. Imagination is more important than knowledge."
5.Make Mistakes. "A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new."
6.Live in the Moment. "I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."
7.Create Value. "Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value."
8.Don't Expect Different Results. "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
9.Knowledge Comes From Experience. "Information is not knowledge. The only source of knowledge is experience."
10.Learn the Rules and Then Play Better. "You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else."
Friday, March 26, 2010
Confucius says: The Top 10 Quotes by Confucius
Confucius says …
1. "Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself."
It’s the "Golden Rule" and the essence of real compassion . Not compassion as in looking down on someone and have pity for another, this is no real compassion. Compassion means seeing another person 100% equal to yourself (in value, not in differentials on the surface which ultimately do not matter). In fact it is seeing yourself in every other person. And therefore you cannot harm anyone without also harming yourself.
It doesn’t mean to lose individuality or self-worth, on the contrary – but the other person earns the same gift.
2. "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance."
That’s my personal favorite quote since it expresses something very profound which also is very useful to know: Ignorance is a willful neglect or refusal to acquire knowledge. It is not widen one’s own perspective in order to see a broader truth. As an example it would be to have racist thoughts and not realizing that all men are equal.
The ultimate truth therefore is where there is absolutely no ignorance, meaning where the perspective or consciousness has become one with all that there is. In Buddhism ignorance (Avidyā) is seen as the primary cause of suffering. Liberation is Enlightenment. Another quote by Confucius here is "Ignorance is the night of the mind, but a night without moon and star."
3. "I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand."
Those quotes are just perfect. What he is expressing here is that we have to experience something ourselves in order to really understand it. If we are hearing something it might be interesting. If we are seeing something it might be beautiful. But only if we feel in happening to ourselves we can really know how it is.
Picture something nice as winning an Olympic gold medal or picture something terrifying as the loss of a loved one. Can you know this by hearing it or by seeing it? Or do you have to do it and experience it yourself to really know it?
Along with this realization comes the awareness that you cannot understand someone or his actions from hearing or seeing it from the outside. You have to feel empathic compassion for him to really know what it is like. To know and not to do is really not to know. Only by applying our knowledge we can validate it’s harmony with reality, it’s truth.
4. "Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it."
Amazing. It calls for dropping the inner mask through which we constantly see and evaluate the world, distorted by our wants and belief-systems. Here we have to look at things as they are. Just like a newborn child would look at things. Then we are able to really see again, without instant labeling of what we see and therefore only really seeing our label. If we become able to do this – just for a second without judgment, we can see that everything in nature is as it should be. And in this natural perfection lies beauty.
5. "The Superior Man is aware of Righteousness, the inferior man is aware of advantage."
Another quote is "The object of the superior man is truth." It is the value of integrity: Do we act to our best knowledge of truth or do we bend ourselves and violate our integrity in order to gain an advantage? Do we play fair game or use perfidious tactics?
To be truthful to ourselves is also important to the development of (good) character. And it is the only straight way to liberation.
6. "Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart."
Whatever you do and whatever you commit to, do it fully, give your all – one hundred percent. It is the essence of Carpe Diem – Seizing the day and it’s surely the best way to be satisfied with what we do and get the best results.
7. "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do."
There is no failure, there are only valuable learning experiences. Or as Thomas Edison about inventing the light bulb said: "I have not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work." The important thing is not giving up, but learning and then improving by using this feedback to get better and ultimately succeed.
A quote expressing the same principle is "A man who has committed a mistake and doesn’t correct it, is committing another mistake."
8. "He who learns but does not think, is lost. He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger."
Confucius explains the connection of learning and reflection. Reflection of that what we learned by thinking or of the results we get by applying the knowledge. "Study without reflection is a waste of time; reflection without study is dangerous" is a similar quote by Confucius. Learning is only useful if we connect the learning within our own minds, with what we already know and what is useful for us. This reflection of any knowledge also saves us from blindly following any knowledge without checking its truthfulness and validity to us.
I think everybody experienced learning when we really want this knowledge and interweave it with what we already know. If there is a need or problem we want to solve, the consume knowledge much more effective than it happens for students in many universities.
9. "He that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools."
This quote calls for planning and preparation. This includes getting and improving the personal skills we need to be successful. If we want to hold speeches we have to become good with communication skills. If we want to win a race we have to train for it. If we want to do a big project we need knowledge in project management. Steven Covey calls it Sharpening the saw, read about it here.
10. "If you look into your own heart, and you find nothing wrong there, what is there to worry about? What is there to fear?"
It shows that our primary work lies within ourselves: to work on ourselves and improve will automatically take care of the outside world if we use our abilities then. "When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves." The solution to problems is not "out there". It is the Inside-Out approach: success and happiness can only be found by working on ourselves. It also entails the spiritual message to look inside and to discover ourselves fully.
1. "Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself."
It’s the "Golden Rule" and the essence of real compassion . Not compassion as in looking down on someone and have pity for another, this is no real compassion. Compassion means seeing another person 100% equal to yourself (in value, not in differentials on the surface which ultimately do not matter). In fact it is seeing yourself in every other person. And therefore you cannot harm anyone without also harming yourself.
It doesn’t mean to lose individuality or self-worth, on the contrary – but the other person earns the same gift.
2. "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance."
That’s my personal favorite quote since it expresses something very profound which also is very useful to know: Ignorance is a willful neglect or refusal to acquire knowledge. It is not widen one’s own perspective in order to see a broader truth. As an example it would be to have racist thoughts and not realizing that all men are equal.
The ultimate truth therefore is where there is absolutely no ignorance, meaning where the perspective or consciousness has become one with all that there is. In Buddhism ignorance (Avidyā) is seen as the primary cause of suffering. Liberation is Enlightenment. Another quote by Confucius here is "Ignorance is the night of the mind, but a night without moon and star."
3. "I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand."
Those quotes are just perfect. What he is expressing here is that we have to experience something ourselves in order to really understand it. If we are hearing something it might be interesting. If we are seeing something it might be beautiful. But only if we feel in happening to ourselves we can really know how it is.
Picture something nice as winning an Olympic gold medal or picture something terrifying as the loss of a loved one. Can you know this by hearing it or by seeing it? Or do you have to do it and experience it yourself to really know it?
Along with this realization comes the awareness that you cannot understand someone or his actions from hearing or seeing it from the outside. You have to feel empathic compassion for him to really know what it is like. To know and not to do is really not to know. Only by applying our knowledge we can validate it’s harmony with reality, it’s truth.
4. "Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it."
Amazing. It calls for dropping the inner mask through which we constantly see and evaluate the world, distorted by our wants and belief-systems. Here we have to look at things as they are. Just like a newborn child would look at things. Then we are able to really see again, without instant labeling of what we see and therefore only really seeing our label. If we become able to do this – just for a second without judgment, we can see that everything in nature is as it should be. And in this natural perfection lies beauty.
5. "The Superior Man is aware of Righteousness, the inferior man is aware of advantage."
Another quote is "The object of the superior man is truth." It is the value of integrity: Do we act to our best knowledge of truth or do we bend ourselves and violate our integrity in order to gain an advantage? Do we play fair game or use perfidious tactics?
To be truthful to ourselves is also important to the development of (good) character. And it is the only straight way to liberation.
6. "Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart."
Whatever you do and whatever you commit to, do it fully, give your all – one hundred percent. It is the essence of Carpe Diem – Seizing the day and it’s surely the best way to be satisfied with what we do and get the best results.
7. "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do."
There is no failure, there are only valuable learning experiences. Or as Thomas Edison about inventing the light bulb said: "I have not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work." The important thing is not giving up, but learning and then improving by using this feedback to get better and ultimately succeed.
A quote expressing the same principle is "A man who has committed a mistake and doesn’t correct it, is committing another mistake."
8. "He who learns but does not think, is lost. He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger."
Confucius explains the connection of learning and reflection. Reflection of that what we learned by thinking or of the results we get by applying the knowledge. "Study without reflection is a waste of time; reflection without study is dangerous" is a similar quote by Confucius. Learning is only useful if we connect the learning within our own minds, with what we already know and what is useful for us. This reflection of any knowledge also saves us from blindly following any knowledge without checking its truthfulness and validity to us.
I think everybody experienced learning when we really want this knowledge and interweave it with what we already know. If there is a need or problem we want to solve, the consume knowledge much more effective than it happens for students in many universities.
9. "He that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools."
This quote calls for planning and preparation. This includes getting and improving the personal skills we need to be successful. If we want to hold speeches we have to become good with communication skills. If we want to win a race we have to train for it. If we want to do a big project we need knowledge in project management. Steven Covey calls it Sharpening the saw, read about it here.
10. "If you look into your own heart, and you find nothing wrong there, what is there to worry about? What is there to fear?"
It shows that our primary work lies within ourselves: to work on ourselves and improve will automatically take care of the outside world if we use our abilities then. "When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves." The solution to problems is not "out there". It is the Inside-Out approach: success and happiness can only be found by working on ourselves. It also entails the spiritual message to look inside and to discover ourselves fully.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
8 Things to Stop Doing RIght Now
I truly believe that successful implementation, or actually ‘de-implementation’ of these methods will dramatically improve a number of things. The first thing that will change is your overall level of happiness, the second thing that will develop is a laser-like focus for your goals and the third thing that will change is going to be your overall awareness.
What I mean by improving your awareness is that you actually might ‘wake up’ to some of the things you’ve been doing, and understand exactly why I say you need to stop doing these things immediately.
1. Doubting Yourself – If you think that you can’t achieve something then I have some good news for you, you’re probably right. Doubts and lack of self belief are the number one way to not only fail to achieve your goals, but to prevent yourself for even trying to go for them in the first place.
Ask yourself, is there anyone in this world that could achieve what I want to achieve? If so, then you definitely can as well.
2. Looking for Answers – I don’t mean this as a sort of umbrella phrase that covers every situation in the world, sometimes we need answers. On occasion we need to know why things happened and how we can change them, but a lot of the answers we look for won’t change anything even if we get them.
•“Why do some people have all the luck?”
•“Why was I born into this environment?”
•“Why am I not smart / pretty / cool / rich?”
These are all questions that deserve no time to be pondered. Don’t look for answers, just start creating results.
3. Procrastinating - This is something I struggled with for a long time, regular readers of my blog and FB will know quite well. Now basically, I make sure I know what I want in life, and any time I catch myself procrastinating or wishing I didn’t have to do a certain ask, I simply ask myself: “Do you really want this?”
Has there ever been a time when procrastinating actually served you well? Did those extra 20 minutes on Facebook or a call to your friend really help the situation? The ‘problem’ is still going to be there, so just deal with it now.
4. Blaming Someone Else – It’s far easier and more likely for us to blame someone else for our current situation rather than take responsibility ourselves. “I’m poor because John makes bad financial decisions” or “I’m unhappy because Sarah left me”.
You have to take full and total responsibility for yourself and all of your actions. Sure, there will be people who want to help you and people involved in what you do, but you are completely responsible for the outcome. If you keep looking to others as the reason for your ‘failures’ without picking up the pieces yourself, these ‘failures’ will continue to happen.
5. Judging Others – First of all, you have absolutely nothing to gain but everything to lose from judging someone. People that others would instantly judge as ‘uncool’ or ‘boring’ have turned out to be some of the most awesome people I’ve ever met in my life.
Secondly, I want to make it clear that I’m not just saying this because it is nice and should be included on a list like this; I fully believe it and try to implement it into my life. If you are going to judge people, at least judge them by their actions, and not their appearance or their background.
6. Waiting to Live – I think most of you will relate to this point more than any. I should know, I’ve spent a good few years of my life waiting for things to happen before life will be perfect and I can start enjoying it.
You know what, these things may come, and you may get to finish college or get to your dream weight. As soon as you get there though, you’ll realise you’ve just wasted and forgotten the whole journey it took to arrive at the spot. The time to enjoy life is right now, no matter what situation you are in or what you hope the future may hold.
7. Needing Reasons to Be Happy – 2 weeks ago I wrote something that touched upon this idea in one of my blog posts:
I have a huge grin on my face as I’m writing this; in fact I’ve had one for the last few days. Should I tell you why? OK, well…there is absolutely no reason. What reason do you need to feel great, why not just feel great?
I’m feeling like that on a very regular basis these days. We often feel we need things to ‘happen’ to give ourselves permission to be happy. Yet, when you think about it, how ridiculous is that? At any moment in time, you can have complete control over how you feel. Don’t look for reasons to feel good and smile, you’re alive, that should be enough.
8. Caring What People Think – I’ll be the first to admit that this isn’t easy, and I don’t think it’s going to come instantly unless you have some drugs or alcohol available. I have no doubt that this step takes time, but you can begin to care less and less with practice.
“What people say about you is none of your business"
This is the only opportunity we have, are we really going to spend our time worrying about what people think of us, something we can’t even change anyway?
What I mean by improving your awareness is that you actually might ‘wake up’ to some of the things you’ve been doing, and understand exactly why I say you need to stop doing these things immediately.
1. Doubting Yourself – If you think that you can’t achieve something then I have some good news for you, you’re probably right. Doubts and lack of self belief are the number one way to not only fail to achieve your goals, but to prevent yourself for even trying to go for them in the first place.
Ask yourself, is there anyone in this world that could achieve what I want to achieve? If so, then you definitely can as well.
2. Looking for Answers – I don’t mean this as a sort of umbrella phrase that covers every situation in the world, sometimes we need answers. On occasion we need to know why things happened and how we can change them, but a lot of the answers we look for won’t change anything even if we get them.
•“Why do some people have all the luck?”
•“Why was I born into this environment?”
•“Why am I not smart / pretty / cool / rich?”
These are all questions that deserve no time to be pondered. Don’t look for answers, just start creating results.
3. Procrastinating - This is something I struggled with for a long time, regular readers of my blog and FB will know quite well. Now basically, I make sure I know what I want in life, and any time I catch myself procrastinating or wishing I didn’t have to do a certain ask, I simply ask myself: “Do you really want this?”
Has there ever been a time when procrastinating actually served you well? Did those extra 20 minutes on Facebook or a call to your friend really help the situation? The ‘problem’ is still going to be there, so just deal with it now.
4. Blaming Someone Else – It’s far easier and more likely for us to blame someone else for our current situation rather than take responsibility ourselves. “I’m poor because John makes bad financial decisions” or “I’m unhappy because Sarah left me”.
You have to take full and total responsibility for yourself and all of your actions. Sure, there will be people who want to help you and people involved in what you do, but you are completely responsible for the outcome. If you keep looking to others as the reason for your ‘failures’ without picking up the pieces yourself, these ‘failures’ will continue to happen.
5. Judging Others – First of all, you have absolutely nothing to gain but everything to lose from judging someone. People that others would instantly judge as ‘uncool’ or ‘boring’ have turned out to be some of the most awesome people I’ve ever met in my life.
Secondly, I want to make it clear that I’m not just saying this because it is nice and should be included on a list like this; I fully believe it and try to implement it into my life. If you are going to judge people, at least judge them by their actions, and not their appearance or their background.
6. Waiting to Live – I think most of you will relate to this point more than any. I should know, I’ve spent a good few years of my life waiting for things to happen before life will be perfect and I can start enjoying it.
You know what, these things may come, and you may get to finish college or get to your dream weight. As soon as you get there though, you’ll realise you’ve just wasted and forgotten the whole journey it took to arrive at the spot. The time to enjoy life is right now, no matter what situation you are in or what you hope the future may hold.
7. Needing Reasons to Be Happy – 2 weeks ago I wrote something that touched upon this idea in one of my blog posts:
I have a huge grin on my face as I’m writing this; in fact I’ve had one for the last few days. Should I tell you why? OK, well…there is absolutely no reason. What reason do you need to feel great, why not just feel great?
I’m feeling like that on a very regular basis these days. We often feel we need things to ‘happen’ to give ourselves permission to be happy. Yet, when you think about it, how ridiculous is that? At any moment in time, you can have complete control over how you feel. Don’t look for reasons to feel good and smile, you’re alive, that should be enough.
8. Caring What People Think – I’ll be the first to admit that this isn’t easy, and I don’t think it’s going to come instantly unless you have some drugs or alcohol available. I have no doubt that this step takes time, but you can begin to care less and less with practice.
“What people say about you is none of your business"
This is the only opportunity we have, are we really going to spend our time worrying about what people think of us, something we can’t even change anyway?
The Awakening
A time comes in your life when you finally get…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH1 Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.
You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you…and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself…and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
Your stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself…and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties…and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.
You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not you job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.
You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.
You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise.
You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people…and you lean not to always take it personally.
You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You lean that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than you heart’s desire.
You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.
Finally, with courage in you heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
This is your awakening.
You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.
You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you…and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself…and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
Your stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself…and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties…and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.
You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not you job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.
You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.
You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise.
You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people…and you lean not to always take it personally.
You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You lean that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than you heart’s desire.
You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.
Finally, with courage in you heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Part 9 - It's the Chinese New Year again...
It's the time of the year when all chinese celebrate new year. As for me, I don't really like the Chinese New Year or those family festive holidays. For those who read my blogs will know the reason why. I only grow up with my dad and many nannies and relatives. I never had a place called home. Home = a place with warm, love, family, security and relationships. To me everywhere I go is a house, house = a roof over my head, period.
Since young I hardly go visiting as my dad is quite outcast in a way. Not that he was outcast by the rest of the family members, it's more like he outcast others. Anyway, my dad is so hot tempered that all his brothers tend to stay away from him except 1 or 2 of them. Also my dad is a gambler when he's young and all my jewellery is usually in the pawn shop and only be able out during Chinese New Year for me to wear and I hate it, I rather don't wear.
Reunion dinner? I have never had a proper one, most of the time I would just go to bf's place or not have reunion dinner as a few period of time I was not in contact with my dad. Even when we are in contact, reunion dinner is never proper. Just me and him and some simple stuff. I have a wish since young which is a normal affair for others but for me I will never have a chance to do it and feel it. (Shit, tears are flowing out of my eyes uncontrollably) I have always wished that I have a chance to have a simple meal with just my mum and dad, a proper family meal. It'll never happen in this life time of mine. So simple yet it's impossible, sobs.
New Year always make me feel alot, not happiness, no joy just emptiness and loneliness. I have to be strong, I have no choice. Sometime I wished I could be just the typical woman, cry as and when I want, be dependant and a little soft so that man feel a need to protect. But that's just not me, I can't be like that, I cannot afford to.
I have been struggling for the longest time, partly due to the fact that I used to gamble and owe a lot of debts and I still do now with many banks and friends. Also that I've stayed out by myself since 16 and supported myself since 13++. I do not gamble for just the fun of it and I am not addicted to gambling. I do not deny I like to gamble but most of the time I just wished that I can make some extra cash so my life will be easier, which I know that's not right. So instead of making my life better, it gotten worse.
Most of my friends would tell me one thing, "Alycia, almost everything is good about you except you like to gamble!" Haiz, I know my bad, I always do. But, haiz... That's human isn't it? Who doesn't make mistakes? Who doesn't have bad points? No one is perfect. I'm all alone all by myself and trying to make my life easier. I do not want to make money against my pride and principle.
Some friend's would tell me, forget about pride and principle and make good money in the shortest time by being a hostess. I have nothing against anyone in that trade, they are still making money and working their way but I just couldn't make that kind of money although I know that if I want to I could be bloody rich now. But that's not how I want to make my life easier as I know that there's hardly a way to turn back once you step in it.
Anyway, let me tell you guys another drama mama true story about my dad during one Chinese New Year when I was just a teenager. One of the Chinese New Year donkey years back, on the first day of Chinese New Year, my dad woke me up in the morning and asked me for sleeping pills. The reason he gave was that he couldn't sleep. Of course I didn't have what he wants, so I told him I don't have it and carry on to sleep.
After a short while I felt that something is wrong so I went to look for him inside his room. We stay in a one room flat and I slept in the living room since young. When I went to the room door it was locked. I happen to have the spare key so I open it up. He was laying on the floor face flat with lots of different kind of pills laying on the table beside a bottle of Bacardi rum with a glass of pills mixed with Bacardi and coke.
Damn! He was trying to commit suicide on the first day of Chinese New Year! Then I found out he had a quarrel with his then galfriend. He was supposed to go out with his galfriend and her daughters and another family. Something happen and she didn't want to meet him and he was upset. Oh my god, what a childish move. I didn't know to cry or laugh at him.
The next thing I did was calling the galfriend and she rushed down to my place with her daughters and the other family that was out with them. It was so embarrassing, it's the first day of Chinese New Year and he did that?? Gosh! They were so worried wanted to send him to the hospital.
Guess what happen next? He got up, say he is ok and doesn't need to go to the hospital. Went to take a shower and told them he is ok to go out with them! Faint!!! Really don't know what to do say...
2009 was not too bad a year but nothing fantastic either. Life have not been easier but I've got to know a lot of nice friends. Friends which helped me alot and supported me in many ways and I thank you all if you are reading it. In life you never know what happens next and I just want to make the best out of mine. I was told by some people I'm over confident and some says I'm negative many of the time. Well, which ever way it is I'm still surviving and I know I will have to make my life better from now.
This year we have valentine's day together woth the new year. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing as I am all alone now, not attached and no one to spend valentine's day with. But I'm glad to have many good friends around which I'm sure would spend the new year with me. What would I do without all my dear friends?? This new year I am going to tell u guys this which I never did before, "I LOVE U ALL MY DEAREST FRIENDS!!!"
Time for me to work towards making my life better and fufilling as I have wasted too much time. I hereby wished all my friends a propser new year and may good fortune and good healthy befall you, your family and friends.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
HUAT AH!!!
Since young I hardly go visiting as my dad is quite outcast in a way. Not that he was outcast by the rest of the family members, it's more like he outcast others. Anyway, my dad is so hot tempered that all his brothers tend to stay away from him except 1 or 2 of them. Also my dad is a gambler when he's young and all my jewellery is usually in the pawn shop and only be able out during Chinese New Year for me to wear and I hate it, I rather don't wear.
Reunion dinner? I have never had a proper one, most of the time I would just go to bf's place or not have reunion dinner as a few period of time I was not in contact with my dad. Even when we are in contact, reunion dinner is never proper. Just me and him and some simple stuff. I have a wish since young which is a normal affair for others but for me I will never have a chance to do it and feel it. (Shit, tears are flowing out of my eyes uncontrollably) I have always wished that I have a chance to have a simple meal with just my mum and dad, a proper family meal. It'll never happen in this life time of mine. So simple yet it's impossible, sobs.
New Year always make me feel alot, not happiness, no joy just emptiness and loneliness. I have to be strong, I have no choice. Sometime I wished I could be just the typical woman, cry as and when I want, be dependant and a little soft so that man feel a need to protect. But that's just not me, I can't be like that, I cannot afford to.
I have been struggling for the longest time, partly due to the fact that I used to gamble and owe a lot of debts and I still do now with many banks and friends. Also that I've stayed out by myself since 16 and supported myself since 13++. I do not gamble for just the fun of it and I am not addicted to gambling. I do not deny I like to gamble but most of the time I just wished that I can make some extra cash so my life will be easier, which I know that's not right. So instead of making my life better, it gotten worse.
Most of my friends would tell me one thing, "Alycia, almost everything is good about you except you like to gamble!" Haiz, I know my bad, I always do. But, haiz... That's human isn't it? Who doesn't make mistakes? Who doesn't have bad points? No one is perfect. I'm all alone all by myself and trying to make my life easier. I do not want to make money against my pride and principle.
Some friend's would tell me, forget about pride and principle and make good money in the shortest time by being a hostess. I have nothing against anyone in that trade, they are still making money and working their way but I just couldn't make that kind of money although I know that if I want to I could be bloody rich now. But that's not how I want to make my life easier as I know that there's hardly a way to turn back once you step in it.
Anyway, let me tell you guys another drama mama true story about my dad during one Chinese New Year when I was just a teenager. One of the Chinese New Year donkey years back, on the first day of Chinese New Year, my dad woke me up in the morning and asked me for sleeping pills. The reason he gave was that he couldn't sleep. Of course I didn't have what he wants, so I told him I don't have it and carry on to sleep.
After a short while I felt that something is wrong so I went to look for him inside his room. We stay in a one room flat and I slept in the living room since young. When I went to the room door it was locked. I happen to have the spare key so I open it up. He was laying on the floor face flat with lots of different kind of pills laying on the table beside a bottle of Bacardi rum with a glass of pills mixed with Bacardi and coke.
Damn! He was trying to commit suicide on the first day of Chinese New Year! Then I found out he had a quarrel with his then galfriend. He was supposed to go out with his galfriend and her daughters and another family. Something happen and she didn't want to meet him and he was upset. Oh my god, what a childish move. I didn't know to cry or laugh at him.
The next thing I did was calling the galfriend and she rushed down to my place with her daughters and the other family that was out with them. It was so embarrassing, it's the first day of Chinese New Year and he did that?? Gosh! They were so worried wanted to send him to the hospital.
Guess what happen next? He got up, say he is ok and doesn't need to go to the hospital. Went to take a shower and told them he is ok to go out with them! Faint!!! Really don't know what to do say...
2009 was not too bad a year but nothing fantastic either. Life have not been easier but I've got to know a lot of nice friends. Friends which helped me alot and supported me in many ways and I thank you all if you are reading it. In life you never know what happens next and I just want to make the best out of mine. I was told by some people I'm over confident and some says I'm negative many of the time. Well, which ever way it is I'm still surviving and I know I will have to make my life better from now.
This year we have valentine's day together woth the new year. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing as I am all alone now, not attached and no one to spend valentine's day with. But I'm glad to have many good friends around which I'm sure would spend the new year with me. What would I do without all my dear friends?? This new year I am going to tell u guys this which I never did before, "I LOVE U ALL MY DEAREST FRIENDS!!!"
Time for me to work towards making my life better and fufilling as I have wasted too much time. I hereby wished all my friends a propser new year and may good fortune and good healthy befall you, your family and friends.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
HUAT AH!!!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
How To Choose Happiness With Words
Happiness is simply a state of mind. No, I’m not implying that we can instantly heal the pain of a severe or unexpected personal tragedy just by thinking about being happy. Rather, I am referring to our levels of happiness on routine days when things in our lives are close to normal. In these neutral times, when we are neither ecstatic nor extremely sad, the slightest change in attitude can swing our happiness balance drastically in either a positive or negative direction. One of the primary factors that affect our attitude is our choice of words.
Words have a lot of power and influence on both the speaker and the listener. When we speak we sometimes unintentionally choose words that have a negative undertone. This can make us seem unhappy (and negative) in the eyes of others. Even worse, after we have spoken these words our unconscious mind starts believing in them. “If this is what came out of my mouth, it must be the way I truly feel.”
However, this is not always true. The first fleeting words that come to mind are not necessarily the most accurate representation of our feelings and intentions. We must realize that we have the power to choose the words we use, and if we pick them carefully, they can change the way we feel.
Here are three typical scenarios where positive language can inject positivity and happiness into our lives.
Inject Happiness into Casual Communication
Typically, when I ask someone “How are you?” they reply, “I’m fine” or “I’m okay.” But one lazy Monday afternoon last month a new colleague of mine replied, “Oh, I am fabulous!” It made me smile, so I asked him what was making him feel so fabulous and he said, “I’m healthy, my family is healthy, and we live in a free country. So I don’t have any reason not to be happy.” The difference was simply his attitude and his choice of words. He wasn’t necessarily any better off than anyone else, but he seemed twenty times happier.
It really struck a chord with me. Suddenly I realized that I have a choice. I can either say “the glass is half empty” or “the glass is half full.” Why not rejoice in the fact that, thankfully, I don’t have anything to be terribly upset about.
So now when someone asks me how I am doing, I say “I’m doing wonderful!” or “Everything is awesome!” or something similar that reflects a positive, happy mood. Since I’ve made a regular habit of doing this, multiple friends and acquaintances have noticed a positive change in my attitude. And I do genuinely feel happier. Also, it seems like the people around me are smiling more now too. So I guess it’s contagious.
Keep Friendly Discussions Friendly
We’ve all been involved in friendly discussions that turn into heated arguments. This usually results in a complete breakdown of productive communication. The reason for this is simple. When people get into heated arguments they get unhappy, and unhappy people are not productive. More often than not these arguments transpire due to our choice of words rather than our point of views. If communicated peacefully and appropriately people usually tolerate each other’s perspectives pretty well. Hence, it’s very important to choose our words wisely even when we strongly disagree with someone.
■Instead of telling the other person “You always…” try saying “Sometimes you…”.
■Instead of saying “That’s not true,” try saying “I don’t think I completely understand your point of view.”
■Instead of telling your friend “I don’t want to go to that bar,” you can say “Oh, we can go to that bar too if you want, but I would rather…”
Using words that make the other person feel negated always creates negativity in conversations. On the other hand, choosing words that assure the listeners that their perspectives are being respected drastically improves the chances of getting your point across without heating things up.
Wendell Johnson once said:
*Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
Maintain a Hopeful Outlook
When we are talking or thinking about ourselves we are typically the least careful with our choice of words. We assume that there are no restrictions on what to say or how to think about our own person. In some situations this might be true, but the positivity or negativity of our words and thoughts still affect us.
For example, there is a huge difference between saying “I wish I have a house that big someday” versus “It would be great to have a house that big someday.” The latter gives a greater sense of possibility and confidence which allows us to believe that ‘yes’ it is possible and ‘yes’ it could happen one day. Whereas, using words like ‘I wish’ makes it seem unreachable and impossible, which generally leads to feelings of discontentment.
Conclusion
These are just some simple examples that illustrate how important it is to choose and use positive words. Remember, our words transparently coincide with our mindset. Positive language creates a healthy balance between our mind and our heart.
Words have a lot of power and influence on both the speaker and the listener. When we speak we sometimes unintentionally choose words that have a negative undertone. This can make us seem unhappy (and negative) in the eyes of others. Even worse, after we have spoken these words our unconscious mind starts believing in them. “If this is what came out of my mouth, it must be the way I truly feel.”
However, this is not always true. The first fleeting words that come to mind are not necessarily the most accurate representation of our feelings and intentions. We must realize that we have the power to choose the words we use, and if we pick them carefully, they can change the way we feel.
Here are three typical scenarios where positive language can inject positivity and happiness into our lives.
Inject Happiness into Casual Communication
Typically, when I ask someone “How are you?” they reply, “I’m fine” or “I’m okay.” But one lazy Monday afternoon last month a new colleague of mine replied, “Oh, I am fabulous!” It made me smile, so I asked him what was making him feel so fabulous and he said, “I’m healthy, my family is healthy, and we live in a free country. So I don’t have any reason not to be happy.” The difference was simply his attitude and his choice of words. He wasn’t necessarily any better off than anyone else, but he seemed twenty times happier.
It really struck a chord with me. Suddenly I realized that I have a choice. I can either say “the glass is half empty” or “the glass is half full.” Why not rejoice in the fact that, thankfully, I don’t have anything to be terribly upset about.
So now when someone asks me how I am doing, I say “I’m doing wonderful!” or “Everything is awesome!” or something similar that reflects a positive, happy mood. Since I’ve made a regular habit of doing this, multiple friends and acquaintances have noticed a positive change in my attitude. And I do genuinely feel happier. Also, it seems like the people around me are smiling more now too. So I guess it’s contagious.
Keep Friendly Discussions Friendly
We’ve all been involved in friendly discussions that turn into heated arguments. This usually results in a complete breakdown of productive communication. The reason for this is simple. When people get into heated arguments they get unhappy, and unhappy people are not productive. More often than not these arguments transpire due to our choice of words rather than our point of views. If communicated peacefully and appropriately people usually tolerate each other’s perspectives pretty well. Hence, it’s very important to choose our words wisely even when we strongly disagree with someone.
■Instead of telling the other person “You always…” try saying “Sometimes you…”.
■Instead of saying “That’s not true,” try saying “I don’t think I completely understand your point of view.”
■Instead of telling your friend “I don’t want to go to that bar,” you can say “Oh, we can go to that bar too if you want, but I would rather…”
Using words that make the other person feel negated always creates negativity in conversations. On the other hand, choosing words that assure the listeners that their perspectives are being respected drastically improves the chances of getting your point across without heating things up.
Wendell Johnson once said:
*Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
Maintain a Hopeful Outlook
When we are talking or thinking about ourselves we are typically the least careful with our choice of words. We assume that there are no restrictions on what to say or how to think about our own person. In some situations this might be true, but the positivity or negativity of our words and thoughts still affect us.
For example, there is a huge difference between saying “I wish I have a house that big someday” versus “It would be great to have a house that big someday.” The latter gives a greater sense of possibility and confidence which allows us to believe that ‘yes’ it is possible and ‘yes’ it could happen one day. Whereas, using words like ‘I wish’ makes it seem unreachable and impossible, which generally leads to feelings of discontentment.
Conclusion
These are just some simple examples that illustrate how important it is to choose and use positive words. Remember, our words transparently coincide with our mindset. Positive language creates a healthy balance between our mind and our heart.
Differences Of Winners and Losers
Successful people are winners in our society. But what are the factors that make them so different from others? I have pondered about this question for a while and I found that there are some striking differences between winners and losers. Winners operate in a totally different frame of mind compared to losers and that is why they always got the results that losers dream of. So read on for the list of 33 differences between winners and losers.
Striking Differences Between Winners and Losers:
Winners vs Losers
1. Winners focus on solutions. Losers focus on problems.
2. Winners take responsibility. Losers blame others.
3. Winners find opportunities in crisis. Losers complain about crisis.
4. Winners enjoy being in the present and learn from the past. Losers live in the past.
5. Winners make commitment and keep them no matter what. Losers make promises that they always break.
6. Winners think about how they can achieve. Losers give excuses.
7. Winners make personal development a priority. Losers neglect personal development.
8. Winners face their fear, accept it and take the leap. Losers dwell in their fear.
9. Winners constantly expand their comfort zone. Losers stay in their comfort zone.
10. Winners take action consistently. Losers refrain from taking action and lack consistency.
11. Winners take failure in their stride and learn from them. Losers fear failure and avoid them at all cost.
12. Winners try different strategies when they are not getting the results they want. Losers do the same thing over and over again expecting different results.
13. Winners set goals. Losers lack goals.
14. Winners plan. Losers hate having a plan.
15. Winners believe there are always things to be learn. Losers consider themselves as an expert even though they know little.
16. Winners are humble. Losers are egoistic.
17. Winners continue to hone their skill every other day without fail. Losers make little effort in honing their skill.
18. Winners work hard. Losers avoid work.
19. Winners give their best for the things that they decide to do. Losers work half heartedly in everything that they do.
20. Winners are persistent and will do whatever it takes (ethical means) to achieve their goal. Losers give up when obstacles pop up.
21. Winners manage their time well and indulge in high value activities that will bring them closer to their goals. Losers lack time management skills and indulge in time wasting activities like playing games and watching re runs for the umpteen time.
22. Winners dream in the day. Losers dream in bed.
23. Winners think about possibilities. Losers focus on obstacles that will stop them from achieving.
24. Winners are certain. Losers doubt.
25. Winners control their own destiny. Losers leave everything to their fate.
26. Winners give more than they take. Losers take more than they give.
27. Winners think whether the crowd is going in the right direction. If not, he will walk the other direction. Losers follow the crowd.
28. Winners think and lead. Losers refuse to think so they follow.
29. Winners listen. Losers fight for every chance to talk.
30. Winners always find a better way to do things. Losers stick to one way of doing things.
31. Winners spend money in seminars and classes to improve themselves. Losers think that spending money on seminars and classes is a waste of money and they prefer to buy toys that gives them instant gratification.
32. Winners help others to win. Losers refuse to help and think only about their own benefit.
33. Winners find like minded people like themselves that can bring them to greater height. Losers find like minded people like themselves that will drag them to failure.
Parting Words
Winners and losers are largely differentiated by their way of thinking. It means that if your thinking tend to be nearer to the Losers approach, it is possible for you to shift yourself back to the Winners way of thinking. All you need is to be 100% honest with yourself, admit that some part of your life needs to be change and work on it.
So which side are you on?
Striking Differences Between Winners and Losers:
Winners vs Losers
1. Winners focus on solutions. Losers focus on problems.
2. Winners take responsibility. Losers blame others.
3. Winners find opportunities in crisis. Losers complain about crisis.
4. Winners enjoy being in the present and learn from the past. Losers live in the past.
5. Winners make commitment and keep them no matter what. Losers make promises that they always break.
6. Winners think about how they can achieve. Losers give excuses.
7. Winners make personal development a priority. Losers neglect personal development.
8. Winners face their fear, accept it and take the leap. Losers dwell in their fear.
9. Winners constantly expand their comfort zone. Losers stay in their comfort zone.
10. Winners take action consistently. Losers refrain from taking action and lack consistency.
11. Winners take failure in their stride and learn from them. Losers fear failure and avoid them at all cost.
12. Winners try different strategies when they are not getting the results they want. Losers do the same thing over and over again expecting different results.
13. Winners set goals. Losers lack goals.
14. Winners plan. Losers hate having a plan.
15. Winners believe there are always things to be learn. Losers consider themselves as an expert even though they know little.
16. Winners are humble. Losers are egoistic.
17. Winners continue to hone their skill every other day without fail. Losers make little effort in honing their skill.
18. Winners work hard. Losers avoid work.
19. Winners give their best for the things that they decide to do. Losers work half heartedly in everything that they do.
20. Winners are persistent and will do whatever it takes (ethical means) to achieve their goal. Losers give up when obstacles pop up.
21. Winners manage their time well and indulge in high value activities that will bring them closer to their goals. Losers lack time management skills and indulge in time wasting activities like playing games and watching re runs for the umpteen time.
22. Winners dream in the day. Losers dream in bed.
23. Winners think about possibilities. Losers focus on obstacles that will stop them from achieving.
24. Winners are certain. Losers doubt.
25. Winners control their own destiny. Losers leave everything to their fate.
26. Winners give more than they take. Losers take more than they give.
27. Winners think whether the crowd is going in the right direction. If not, he will walk the other direction. Losers follow the crowd.
28. Winners think and lead. Losers refuse to think so they follow.
29. Winners listen. Losers fight for every chance to talk.
30. Winners always find a better way to do things. Losers stick to one way of doing things.
31. Winners spend money in seminars and classes to improve themselves. Losers think that spending money on seminars and classes is a waste of money and they prefer to buy toys that gives them instant gratification.
32. Winners help others to win. Losers refuse to help and think only about their own benefit.
33. Winners find like minded people like themselves that can bring them to greater height. Losers find like minded people like themselves that will drag them to failure.
Parting Words
Winners and losers are largely differentiated by their way of thinking. It means that if your thinking tend to be nearer to the Losers approach, it is possible for you to shift yourself back to the Winners way of thinking. All you need is to be 100% honest with yourself, admit that some part of your life needs to be change and work on it.
So which side are you on?
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