Part 8

Sorry for such a long wait to the part 8 of my biography. It's the festive season, I've been busy with work.

As I mentioned on part 7 that I'll be talking about my mum on this part. At the beginning of my biography, I mentioned that mum and dad divorce when I was just a little baby. I've never seen my mum during my childhood. When I was about 18, I take the effort to search for my mum as I really wish to at least be able to see her once in my life.

With no sources and link, I managed to find her using a story that my ex colleague told me about herself. She was once involved with a man that lied to her saying he's single. And as there's a lot of doubt base on his actions, she decide to do a checlk on his marital status. How she go about it is that she take down his ID particulars, went to ROM paid $12 dollar and get a print out of his marital status stating that he is married. As I was holding on to my birth cert and had the information of my mum, using her method I went to ROM and get her marital status print out.

Other than discovering her second marriage, I also noticed the date that my mum and dad's registered their marriage. It's on the 16th Apr 1975 and I'm born on 16th Dec 1975. Please do the math... I was a short gun baby. Lol... Anyway, based on my mum's second marriage I've got her husband's name and went to yellow pages and search for her address and telephone number. For sure there are many with the same name. So I started calling to try my luck. I was pretty lucky to get it right the first time. I called the first number and asked for Mary which was her english name that I got to know over my relatives conversation. A man picked up the call which I presume was her husband said that she's not at home. From there, I'm sure I've got the right one. It can't be that the same name has wife with the same name as well isn't it?

So one fine day, I decided to pay her a visit. I couldn't remember if it was Mother's day or her birthday. I had a greeting card with me and went up to her house. I was really really nervous and thinking how should I react when I see her. I couldn't remember much details now, all I know was that she stays in Tampines. I walk to the door and started knocking, no one answers the door. At first, there was a sense of relieve as I really didn't know how it will be. Then came the feeling of disappointment as I have been missing her as she wasn't by my side since I was a baby. I am so deprived of motherly love. Since she's not home, I then slip the greeting card into the door slit. On the way down I tell myself, since I'm here I might as well wait a little while and try my luck again.

After a while, I made a call to her house and asked for her. She came to the phone and I guess she knew it's me as I slipped the greeting card into the house. I'm not sure what was running thru her mind as a lot was running thru my mind at that moment. She told me to wait for her downstairs and she will be heading down. Since young the only image I have of my mother was thru my baby photos. She was a beautiful woman and I've always imagine her to aged gracefully and be like those rich tai tais. When I was going thru hell at home from my dad, I often cried and wished that she is happily married to a rich man and come bring me away from all the pain, tears and misery.

When the lift door opens, out came a woman with a baby boy in her arms that I couldn't recognise. She's no longer the beautiful image I had in my mind all these while and no she dun look like those rich elegant tai tais at all. My beautiful mother image shattered. She looks like those aunties hanging around wet market. I dun think I will even recognise her if she walk pass me on the street. When she was walking towards me, the only thing that was running thru my mind was how should I address her? I have many god mum when I was young and calling mummy is a common thing. But when it comes to my own mother, I have never address her before. I was just a baby when she left, I didn't even know if I have learned to talk then. As she was approaching me, I decide to call her mother. I wanted so much to give her a big hug but she was carrying her son, my other step brother. Not too sure if that's her only child or there's more, didn't asked her. I wanted so much to tell her how much I suffered without a mum thru out my growing up stages and how much I suffered with a violent dad.

Before I can pour my sorrows to her she started pouring hers to me. She started complaining about my dad, saying how badly she was treated then. Things like, how my dad whack her, how she had to go to the hospital to deliver me by herself and how my dad fools around etc. At that point of time my tears almost falls out but I swallow it back as I dun want her to see me crying. I think to myself, what she suffered was only for such short period compare to what I've gone thru from my dad. I didn't even bother to tell her about my sufferings after all the things she said to me. Then she mentioned to me that she runs a goreng pisang store at the old lau pasar at shenton way. So I casually said to her that I'll pop by when I'm free. Straight away she reacted by saying, oh no not convenient then she add on that it's because she will be busy. From the moment she stepped out of the lift, the things she said to me, I knew she wasn't happy to see me at all.

Maybe she feels that I brought her misery. If it's not because of being pregnant with me maybe she wouldn't have to go thru the ordeal when she was with my dad. Also I guess she doesn't want me in her life to spoil her family now. It was heart wrenching, I was bleeding inside. Well as least, I know she's well and alive and I got to see her once that would be enough. I've met her for another two times after which we totally lost contact. I did not save her number or her address as I know she actually do not want to see me. The only thing that I dun understand is that how can a woman be so heartless? She carried me for 10 months give birth to me, left me and I am the one to look for her and she wasn't even happy to see me? Anyway, I've already grow up and long live my life without a mum, I survived.

Better stop now, eyes getting teary...

To be continued....